Tuesday, August 12, 2008

Words from my mouth...

Sometimes my life is a bit like an out of body experience. Not in a bad way, not at all, its just that sometimes I find myself saying things that ten years ago I couldnt have imagined coming out of my mouth.

Since becoming a wife and mother the following strange things have come out of my mouth.

"Have a great day. Oh wait you forgot your gas mask."

"Please find another place for this crappy piece of tank, I just chipped my pedicure on it." Flyboy brought home a piece of an Iraqi tank his first deployment over there. Its not too big, the size of a large laptop. But really does it belong in our living room?

"Do not brush your hair with the fork your eating with." Around here we use clean forks for that.

"Daddy just flew over the house lets go inside and get cleaned up."

"Get away from there, the cow is about to poop on you!"

"Please don't put your finger in the dog's butt." To his defense, it was the first time that Dash-1 had really been around dogs at my in laws and at the time the dogs were bigger then him and well... their butt was eye level. Never underestimate the curiosity of a 18 mth old!

"Thank you for offering but we don't share boogers."

"Please take your underwear off your head and hand Mommy her wallet." Yes I keep spare underoos in my purse, elmo ones to be exact, Dash-1 was sitting in the cart and all of a sudden the cashier starts laughing. I turn to look and what do you know Dash-1 is wearing his spare underwear on his head and shaking his money maker.

"Why are there shoes in the dishwasher?" Still no answer to this one.

"Please, those are tampons, not torpedoes."

You know whats even stranger.... as I type these things out they don't seem all that weird to me. I'm becoming used to it all and at least I'm polite I do say please a lot.

I'm curious what strange things all you out there have said. Think of this as an opportunity to delurk and show how strange your life sometimes is!

22 comments:

  1. not from my mouth, but from my friend's as she was on the phone with me: Zachary, get off your sister and put your underwear back on this minute!

    (in her defense, he was just potty training and had the habit of removing everything from the waist down...had just been, and hadn't finished dressing when he decided to wrestle his baby sister, lol)

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  2. "Sorry, I spilled a liter of E.coli on myself earlier, but don't worry, its attenuated." I worked in a biochem lab. "No sir, I'm not your new wife" I was counseling a patient with dementia. "I couldn't sleep this morning because of all the guys screaming cadence under the window." Yeah, they were screaming "I wanna be and Airborne Ranger!"

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  3. Oh these are so funny! I'm sure I've said a few doozies but don't remember...you've inspired me to start writing them down!

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  4. No, you cannot pee on the bugs, you need to use a toilet.

    This after I let him pee in the bushes one time when there was no bathroom handy. He thinks it's pretty cool and asks all the time if he can do it again. (I told him to aim at the bugs, because the first time he was really nervous to pee outside - too bad that didn't last!)

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  5. Too Funny.....I think my biggest thing now with my teens is that I sound just like my mother (GASP!)

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  6. I don't have any examples of my own yet, but I laughed at all of yours! I needed that - thank you.

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  7. "I don't care how far away you are! When you blow up RPGs and stuff up you had better be wearing your helmet!"

    I was sitting at a stoplight with my windows rolled down when I heard a mother say to her children in the back seat, "Johnny! Get your finger outta your sister!"
    Not kidding.

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  8. This made me laugh!

    I grew up on a farm and we take Charlie back there all the time so the cow one is totally normal for us, haha.

    One of my favorites is "Don't play with your nipples at the dinner table." At least I had to say it to my son and not my husband, lol. :)

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  9. Oh I have said the dog one many many times. Also please get out of the dog bowl

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  10. Ha! These all made me laugh. I'll have to start noticing the ones I say, too :)

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  11. Oh these are awesome! I don't really remember any of mine but if I do I'll post them along the way.

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  12. I know I've got some good ones buried in the memory banks somewhere... Even though I can't think of anything, I'll de-lurk anyway. :-p

    Thanks for sharing yours. :-D

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  13. Ooooh, I just remembered one:

    We were at WalMart and my son pointed out the bras, calling them boobies.

    And in a normal voice, I replied: no dear, those are not boobies, those are bras...we put boobies inside of them!


    And there's the ever-popular: No, you can't XXX (insert activity here) until you eat all your french fries and nuggets (seriously...what mother actually PUSHES junk food on her kids????)

    And to answer your question about Keller....I wasn't married to my hubby then, though he was stationed there (we were horrid and lived together...) so I never got to experience the care there. My hubby got surgery there, and said they didn't encourage him to do much and his recuperation was really hard...

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  14. I love the fork comment. Reminds me of The Little Mermaid. :)

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  15. "Stop biting the dog!"
    "Spaghetti is NOT a finger food"
    "we're going crazy, it's a short trip"
    "Why is the dog pink?!"

    have all been said by me recently.

    yours cracked me up, but also sounded very normal :)

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  16. Love the tampons one.

    I am constantly catching myself uttering things I never imagined I ever would.

    And thats why I love being a parent.(Well amongst other reasons!)

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  17. My dh often tells my daughter that she is stinky, smelly, smells like a foot, etc. Well, a few days ago, he told her "you smell like ass". I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

    As you can imagine, one day this week, daughter says to me from the back of the car..."Mommy, you smell like ASH". Finally, one time she doesn't completely understand what dh said.

    BTW - my daughter is not stinky, dh just likes to tease her.

    Happy POW!

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  18. Please move your crappy piece of TANK. That is hilarious. Amazing what can seem "normal" to a military wife!

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  19. That is so funny about the tampons, not torpedos. What is up with kids and their fascination with tampons?

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  20. These are too funny... I don't have any of my own yet, maybe someday. I'll have to start listening to other people around me!

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  21. I like the one about the underwear on his head ;). Ummmm, I'm going to have to give this some thought. I know I've said some strange things since becoming a wife and mother, but for the life of me I can't think of any at this moment.

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I'm not going to lie... I live for comments. Nice ones that is.