Friday, January 22, 2010

knowing he's there

Here's the thing about spending so much time apart from your husband... you end up sleeping by yourself a lot.

{Or at least you SHOULD be!}

As long as we've been married its just the same ole here one day {or a week or two or three} and then gone the next {for a week or two or three or more}. So we never really have long periods of time where we are together.

A side effect of this, at least for me, is I'm really used to sleeping by myself.

We've never really been big cuddlers in bed, even when we had our widdy biddy double bed we would say our good nights and I love yous and then off to our respective sides.W hen we do cuddle there is always a point where one of us looks at the other and says something to the effect of "ok are we done" or "allright my arm is falling asleep".

{Very romantic here at house of flyboy and don't think I'm picking on my husband, he's probably more a night cuddler then I am. And really we aren't a cold loveless marriage. I swear.}

But of course, in an widdy biddy double bed we would still know that the other one was there.

A few months ago we finally did what we had been talking about and got us a big ole king bed.

It's delightful. I don't even know he's there. We have a sleep number so he has his side and his number and I have my side and my number, the difference being great enough that you can almost roll down the hill to my soft side.

But I've noticed something lately. I miss him.

I'm not saying I miss his elbow cracking me in the head like we did in the double bed days, but I find myself missing knowing that he's there. After all, so much of the time he's not.

So I've started something. Something I'm not even sure he knows that I do.

When I wake up in the middle of the night to feed the little one, I find myself climbing back into our warm comfy bed, snuggling down into the flannel sheets into my side of bed that quite literally is so soft it cocoons my body, and I slide one foot over and just put it up against him.

Now I don't do this to warm my feet {I'm usually wearing socks} I just do it to feel him. To know he's there. Occasionally I feel his feet slide over to my side, I wonder if he's doing it for the same reason.

I like sleeping by myself. I don't need the extra room to spread out or anything, but damn if I'm not just used to it.

But in the quiet of the night... I like reaching out and knowing he's there.



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19 comments:

  1. Awwww. This is a sweet post. I am not ready to give up the double bed for similar reasons (though the cat and the boy keep taking up more and more space and some days (nights?) it is tempting!)

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  2. That is so sweet. I also stretch my foot out to touch Paul's foot in the middle of the night but for me it's typically a kick to get him to stop snoring.

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  3. We tend to cuddle for a while and then say good night and head off to our separate sides of the bed, too. We also have a Select Comfort, only my side is the rock-hard firm one as compared to my husband preferred marshmallow cushiness.

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  4. What a great post! And I know exactly what you mean, on all accounts. We do the same here, and we always fall asleep with our legs, or hands, touching. Just something to know the other is there. It's comforting without having to have your arm fall off from a lack of blood =)

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  5. The hubs and I have discussed getting a King because he is so tall he needs more room. Plus the knocks in the head, back, etc were getting super old. However, after just experiencing a King on our vacation I totally agree that it can be lonely even with him in the bed. He loved that aspect but I always had to reach out to make sure he was still there.

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  6. We normally start out cuddling and then end up on our respective sides at some point during the night. Of course we also share our double bed with 3 cats :) But there is normally some form of small contact as well throughout the night.

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  7. There is no doubt in my mind you do not have a cold loveless marriage! :) I would do the same, if I didn't have the snoring to remind me he's there (when he is)

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  8. This totally made me tear up. So sweet.

    And my hubby is a cuddler. I, however, am not. Gimme my space! GetoffmyshoulderthathurtsI'mhotew!

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  9. i LOVE that you said "(or at least you SHOULD be)" CRACK ME UP!

    Super sweet post, though. :)

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  10. How hilarious! I do the exact same thing! Well, we are cuddlers, and I do like to warm my feet. BUT even on those hot summer days in the south, I joke about us "holding feet" when we go to sleep. (No, we don't have monkey feet, we just touch feet.) And my husband just let me know the other day that his post-deployment "prize" will be a new king bed. Good thing I have long legs!

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  11. After 27 years, we try to spoon sometimes....but are not sucessful if we want to sleep. Can stand maybe 5 minutes till one blinks and we go off to our respective sides.

    Love him like my luggage, but no can cuddle while sleeping....heck, we can't even face each other, what with injesting each others carbon monoxide....Ahh, love

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  12. I am exactly the same! Just have to have a foot against him, I can't stand anything more but can't have anything less!
    Well, he is in Afghanistan right now so I guess I am dealing with a lot less than that haha

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  13. *sigh* this post made me cry...
    I miss my Marine a lot...
    He comes home from Japan mid to late March and I can barely take this whole sleeping by myself thing anymore...
    ...but in the same sense...I'm used to it? I'm not sure if that makes sense...but that's my life...
    ...We usually fall asleep holding hands... and I can't WAIT to have that comfort again.

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  14. Aw, that's too sweet. I'm sure he does it for the same reasons.

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  15. I do the same thing! We have a big bed, and we don't cuddle too much, but I always keep a hand or foot touching him! Just cuz I love him! So funny!

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  16. I wake up a lot when my husband is around, I think just to reassure myself I haven't just been dreaming. We are big on cuddling though too; it just doesn't last through the night. :)

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  17. We still have a full sized bed - and after reading your post, maybe we'll keep it that way! :)

    I love how you verbalize this.
    :) Thank you for sharing something we can all totally relate to!

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  18. Thats cute! :)

    How is the sleep number? They look amazing :)

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