Tuesday, April 22, 2008

We all have one....

That person in the world who drives us nuts.

I'm not talking about people that we have never met who drive us crazy, like perhaps a certain Senator from NY or for that matter Illinois, running for president but someone in your life who it seems is only there to ruffle your feathers.


Mine has reemerged.

Our husbands went thru School together and were relatively good friends. We were all stationed up here together when we were first married and we kinda got "stuck" together.

At the time we were really the only young wives up here, our husbands were friends, and then they deployed together. At first it seemed logical to even me, she seemed OK. Then I got to know her.

Nuts doesn't begin to explain it.

Bitch seems to fit pretty well.

She is one of those people who "things" matter to her. Her engagement ring is 2.1 carats. How do I know this? Because she would tell me and anyone who ever looked in the general area of the thing.

My ring is a far cry from 2 carats but its no chip either. But according to her "I was lucky that my fingers were small so my ring would look bigger".

When they lived up here they lived in a luxury apartments, our BAH had yet to catch up with the cost of the area and their parents were putting money into their accounts to pay the rent every month.

We lived where we could afford. It was a tiny one bedroom with a very seventies kitchen, but it worked for us. Every time she saw it she had to make a comment the one I loved the most was "I'm sure it was a nice place back in the day".

We went out to dinner once, mind you I was a little heavier back then then I am now but she was always heavier then me, she actually said to me "I don't get it its not like you eat much."

Or when we happened to be down at Quantico and met my aunt for lunch she said, out loud, "Oh he's only a Colonel?". I thought my aunt was going to fall out of her seat. Not that my aunt would ever wear my uncles rank but come on... only a colonel? Not only is every rank earn in the Marine Corps, Colonel is high up there and way outside our pay grade.

I could go on and on.

Her husband got out and they moved to Texas right after he got back from the deployment. It sounds awful but I felt a relief when I no longer shared a state with her.

She would email, always with a pointed comment, here and there. We had our first boys around the same time, it started again though.

We registered at Target, Pottery Barn for them. ("That's nice, target is so much more accessible." What in the hell does that mean?)

She made it a point to send an email when they bought a shiny new car, a new house, when she started a business, when her husband got a new job making "tons of money".

I'm not at all unhappy with my life. I am proud of my husband for his accomplishments in the Marine Corps, he is very respected and is very very good at what he does. Heck I stay home with my kids so we aren't exactly hurting for money. We just aren't showy people, never have been never will be.

She on the other hand is a constant one upper and it drives me batty.

I get nuts whenever I so much as get an email from her. It drives poor flyboy insane. He doesn't handle nutty well and I hate that I get so worked up by her. Although surely bitter betty has to back me up that she is indeed a hard gal to handle, she's seen the emails and the photo updates too. Thankfully bitter betty is often the one who stops me from jumping after the latest run in with her.

So the point of this is that I get a random email from her the other day. They are coming into town for a visit. Ack!

What in the world do I do with this.

She wants to get together, I'm sure so she can rub my nose in something.

And wouldn't you know flyboy is going to be away while they are in town, funny how that happens. I do believe when I called him flipping out over this he even sounded a little panicked and said he had something come up on the schedule.

I asked if he could take me too. No go apparently. I'd be willing to hold cargo on my lap or something.

I figure I have a week or two to come up with something. I either suck it up and meet her and have a mild sanity set back or I come up with some lie, the problem is that they will be in the local area. I am not above leaving the state to go visit family.


  1. Yuck thats no fun. You could just turn off the lights and lock the doors for a few days.

  2. From my (albeit limited) experience with military wives there are several groups. She seems to fit quite nicely into the "I'm in denial about this lifestyle, miserable about my own life, and am doing anything in my power to compensate for it by spending way too much and shoving it in people's faces". I've met a few of those already.

    She sounds atrocious. I would totally leave town. Maybe this would be a good time to take the kiddos someplace neat? Or even a quick road-trip? She is so not worth the loss of sanity!

  3. Ten to one they are thousands of dollars in the hole and they have a crappy marriage that they don't show in public. After working at Army Emergency Relief and seeing girls come in with the D&G purses and the Chanel earrings (I don't know all of these name brands) and seeing them begging for money to pay rent, I always question them. Tell her to piss off :)

  4. I think I would leave town for this one too! Family emergency or something....you know, your family needs to get away so mommy doesn't go crazy :)

  5. to see the military rates call annie at 800-819-3902 ext. 82429 and tell her bonnie cordle said to help you. she will. (sarge charile told me to tell you this!) there are plenty of cruises with military rates and they are great rates too!

    smiles, bee

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  7. Too bad you live on the other side of the country. You could come and visit me and we could take our boys to the park and the aquarium and the kids museum and the alpaca farm, etc etc etc.

    I think I'd get a hotel room and let the boys play in the pool all weekend :)

  8. holy crap, I did a long comment and lost it someway, oh well must not have been too important. It was a story about someone like your 2.1 carat friend, when you see her ask if it is cubic zirconia...smile

  9. Oh man - I really don't like people like that.. they just get under my skin!

    I would probably go out with her though, just cause I have a hard time saying no... but, look on the bright side - it can make you feel even better about your awesome life!!!!


  10. I just don't understand people who have to be better than everyone else! I hope you can avoid unnecessary frustration...

  11. You have every right not to want to see her! Don't be afraid to say that you have other plans and can't meet up.

    I once heard this quote at a motivational speech, which I loved. (I can't remember it word for word, but it was something like this): "We are the authors of our own life scripts. If there'a character giving you grief, don't be afraid to write him/her out of the script!" :)

  12. I totally think you should tell her that you'll be too busy to see her when she's around. Honestly, there's no reason to waste time with someone who just tries to make you feel bad about yourself. And I wouldn't bother leaving town unless you really want to--the fact that you have two little boys and your hubby is deployed should give you plenty of reason to be too busy to hang out with her.

    Or, you could go on an 'imaginary' vacation with the boys. Close all the views to the outside world, and then play make believe that you're somewhere fun until she's gone. It'll at least look like you're not home.

  13. Ugh! I cannot stand people like this! My aunt is very much like this and sometimes its all I can do to survive the holidays when she's around.

  14. Don't answer the phone, but usually persistant people like that will track you down and bang on your door.

    You could just sit there, smile, and for everything she does make a comment about, make a smart ass response. "Oh you make 8 figures a year? Boy, you might not want to hang out with me since we filed bankruptcy for the third time. Really, you lost all that weight and got a tummy tuck? Boy, I didn't see a lick of a difference, that must be hard to know you dropped that much money for no results/"

    Yeah, probably not the best advice to take. You could just talk to her before she comes and tell her how you really feel and then maybe she won't come?

  15. Sometimes, friendships fade away, and sometimes you have to kill them before you scream. I'd say it's time to kill this one. When you get your email messages, just hit delete before you open them. Better yet, mark her as a spammer and they won't even reach your inbox! The faster way to get rid of her would be to just tell her you are done and would appreciate some space, but if that just really scares you, do the delete thing and stop responding to her. There's no shame in that! At this point, you would probably be doing both of you a favor.

    And about getting together - you totally don't have to give her a reason why you can't see her. Just say you're busy and leave it at that (if she keeps asking, just say it's a private matter - she sounds dense, so if this doesn't work, either, just hang up).

  16. OMGosh! This sounds like and Ex-faux friend of mine. You described her to a T. She made a point to mention that if here husband bought her anything less than a Carat she would not accept it. Had the brattiest kid and used me as her personal Babysitter errand runner till I had enough and gave it to her plain and simple. Haven't heard from her since. I was just tired of the constant Jabs and the constant I am better than you attitude. I already knew she was monetarily more set than were were just by her husband's rank. Her husband made Double what we did. That besides the point it just wasn't my cup of tea to have a so called friend make me feel like CRAP every time I was in her presence. Friends lift each other up help each other when they are down. I was used and abused and glad I put my foot down with her. If you want stories and details I would be glad to give them. To say the least you would be Appalled! Friends are people we feel immense joy to be around and whom we feel uplifted to have shared their presence!

  17. "That is a beautiful ring! It's a little too gaudy for me, but it seems to fit your lifestyle perfectly!"

    Of course I could never actually say something like that, but hey, I'm a sally.

  18. Stonewall would say she is, "Keeping up with the Joneses."

    In my dreams I wouold say to her "Oh. Your vacation is coming here? Well, unfortunately, I won't be here because I'm vacationing in Europe at that time. Both of my boys have worked so hard to be able to name all the pieces of art at the Lourve. Paris, dahling, is wonderful this time of year."

    But in reality, I would probably suck it up and just make remarks to her remarks and make her explain herself when she tries to hit below the belt. Good Luck!

  19. "Cough Cough... Oh, dear, I'm so sorry, but the Dr. just called me and told me it was infectious strep. I'm so sorry, I don't think you want me there for lunch/dinner/whatever"

    There ya go... it does, by the way, work... not that I would ever do something like this...but... just sayin'


  20. I have one of those as well.

    If it was me, I would just blow her off. But I can be mean like that when I am avoiding people.

  21. Clearly, you've felt this way about her for a long time. And since she does live in a different state, there is absolutely no reason you have to continue to be her "friend." Seems to me, you can either excuse yourself and simply not see her with a simple, "Oh, I can't get together with you then because I already have plans and can't change them." or maybe do her a favor and tell her how offensive she's been and that's why you have no desire to spend any more time with her.

    Also, stop responding to her emails and phone calls and this so-called "friendship" should die a natural death

  22. Ugh, I dont even know what to say, I am so so sorry..

  23. Wow, this is so ironic. I have a "friend" like this too that I've had just about enough of recently. Same bologna with the living above her means just to "one up" everyone else in her life. I've been trying to figure out how to end the relationship for good. Guess you're right: "we all have one" :P

  24. you can always come here to escape, I'd just say you were super busy and couldn't be bothered. People like that are positive energy suckers and that's no good for anyone.

    Hope you come up with a good excuse.

  25. hi leanne -- i so can not stand people like this AT ALL!!! things will never matter to me. the simple things matter to me. the best things matter to me ... like time with a loved one who i am crazy about.

    you don't enjoy this person and you have not enjoyed this person for a looooooong time. please give yourself a break and let yourself off the hook. you don't owe her anything. you don't like her and you don't like how you feel because of her or when she has even the slightest contact with you.

    just say no.

    don't waste your time spending time with someone who you feel miserable around.

    i let go of a "toxic friend" this past year and i am really glad i did. i needed to. i felt miserable around her and because of her. i am glad she is no longer in my life. she still sends occasional emails and i delete/ignore them. i never want her or a "friend" like her in my life again. she was mean and i felt bad when i was in her presence. but it took me a long time to see the light. and it took me a long time to see the light. i am happier without her.

    you are happier without this "friend," too it sounds like. you already know the answer leanne :)

    you know where you feel better and who you feel better around.

    best to you sweetie :)
    kathleen xo

  26. Hahaha. I wish she could see my engagement ring! My husband bought it when he was in school and his monthly salary was $200. Even going by the three-months rule, that's not much! But I love my little ring from humble beginnings...

    (Incidentally, he now teases guys about how he did it right. A friend of his just got married a few months ago, and my husband said, "Nah, you waited until your salary was too high! You shoulda done it like I did!" He's a goof.)

  27. OMG....I think I know this girl.....or maybe her twin sister....


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