Tuesday, May 26, 2009

The princess and the pee

I'm starting to think that lesbians are on to something. No men in the house = no pee on the seat.

Or on the floor for that matter.

I love me my boys, I love the big one that looks stinkin sexy in his flight suit, to my eldest child who was so wonderful to potty train, to my soon to be middle child with a devilish smile. I love them all. Almost everything about them.

I. Do. Not. Love. The. Pee.

I am tired of sitting in it, I am tired of stepping in it, I am tired of wiping up after them.

Though to flyboy's defense he's pretty good about aim and what not, but he annoys me in that he doesn't think its such a big deal and that it's just part of having boys. I get that.

But really, the other day I walked in the bathroom and dash-1 was peeing standing a solid foot away from the toilet staring out the window with his willy nilly going well, all willy nilly. He was just in his own little world, day dreaming and peeing.

Seriously, not one bit of pee hit the toilet, it was all in a giant puddle around the base of the toilet. I will admit, again in my pledge of honesty, I hit the roof. I lost it.

His defense? And let me bold it for the full effect. He didn't want to step in the water that was around the toilet and get his feet wet. The water that, by the way, was from him splashing in the bath tub.

God forbid he get soapy water on his feet but my standing in an inch of pee is a ok.

So I did what any good mom would do. I got him some paper towels and made him clean it up. And explained that if he ever did that again, I'd sell him.

I betcha he'd bring in good money on ebay.

We have a little bit of a joke around here, that since I'm the only girl and will probably be the only girl for a very long time, that I am the princess.

Apparently this princess needs to get used to the pee.

29 comments:

  1. "if he ever did that again, I'd sell him."
    Love it! We are probably traumatizing our girls and they'll need loads of therapy later on but we're always threatening to go find some gypsies to sell them to.

    Oh, and the princess didn't get used to the pea, so I see no reason for you to get used to the pee. I think having the perpetrator clean it up is a fabulous idea. If he has to clean it up enough times, he might start to get the idea that aiming is a much better idea (and a lot less work in the long run).

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  2. I read this aloud to Einstein, and he called Dash-1 "a man after my own heart". Which should tell you why I am deathly afraid of ever having boy children. I hear Cheerios in the toilet bowl are a great aiming aid, btw.

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  3. Love the title and how you tied it into the end....HA HA HA! Having worked in a daycare, I dealt with this A LOT! It can be very tiresome to clean up on a daily basis! But that was pretty funny about selling bit:p

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  4. Ha! I grew up with four brothers in the house, so totally get what you mean.
    I do love guys in their flight suits, ya know? My husband retired this year from Air Guard where he flew C-130s, and oh, how I loved him in that flight suit!
    Good luck with the pee situation~

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  5. "his willy nilly all willy nilly" made me spit out my water :) Thank you for your comment (and no you didn't offend :))
    my word verification is "jughead"...interesting

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  6. I wish we could edit our comments...Jughead would have been interesting had it actually been what I was thinking of. I was thinking of Jarhead...so jughead isn't funny

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  7. Well there's an opening line for a post!!


    hahaha --- you are too funny lady!! I've missed reading you.

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  8. ewwwwwwww pee??? i've been away from little boys for a looooong time, if matt and i have a boy (in 3 years), i think i'll have some adjusting to do :]]

    i was watching seinfeld just now and jerry said the following (and i immediately thought of you!!)

    "You know the message you're sending out to the world when you wear sweatpants? You're telling the world, 'I give up. I can't compete in normal society. I'm miserable, so I might as well be comfortable.'"
    - Jerry in The Pilot

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  9. hahaha...what a great post!!! I am feeling very lucky right now that my only child is a girl!!

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  10. AH! You just cracked me up! I would go through the roof, too... but it's really funny hearing about someone else dealing with it. SORRY! ;)

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  11. I love Marine Wife's comment. This is one of your wittiest posts to date. I always thought I wanted a house full of boys, but now I'm thinking the dog, husband and maybe one lil un will be enough.

    Again, my word verification matched your subject: "peed"

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  12. AH HAHAHAHAH... is this the wrong time to tell you that my hubby always wipes the toilet seat afterwards and puts the lid down? Except for potty training time... I hope to never have contact with boy pee.

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  13. Hahahahahahaha. Oh I am afraid of having boys for that reason. My big one in the flight suit...not as good at aiming as we would hope after 25+ years of practice.

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  14. this has got to be one of my all time favorite posts from you!!!!! im cracking up.....ahhhh can i relate. i hate hate hate sitting in it! nasty. ah the price we pay!

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  15. HA! This is great (to read, not to experience).

    That's one silver lining to the current deployment: gone husband = dry butt!

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  16. We have a rule in our house, if someone tinkles on the toilet or does not put the toilet seat down they have to pay a dollar to the vase! Its amazing! I think we have collected about 15 bucks in 3 1/2 weeks! I always seems to fall into the toilet or have pee all over me! Its totally disgusting! I honestly think all men pee on the seat and around the seat just so women will have something to bitch about!

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  17. I lived with my husband and his roommate last summer. At that point they were 24 and 25. I still wound up cleaning pee off the base of the toilet. Seriously, we are talking infantrymen here who are supposed to be able to aim a rifle and they can't aim their you-know-what.

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  18. Hahahaha. This post and all of the comments that followed had me ready to pee my pants this morning! Your posts never cease to get me giggling! I love the title and closing line! And I totally agree with Marine Wife! :)

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  19. Any post that starts out with the lesbians must be on to something is a must-read for sure!

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  20. Oh I am so going to blog about this

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  21. I can sympathize. Except our son is still in diapers...I am still trying to train the husband. He doesn't get why he needs to put the toilet seat down. UGH!
    Way to make your son clean it up, and my parents used to threaten to sell me and my brother too. =)

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  22. You crack me up! I thought it was annoying enough when my husband leaves the toilet seat up!

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  23. I'm cracking up and trembling in fear all at the same time. Oh my. I hadn't thought about that with all the boy preparations. I thought my pee worries would be gone after those diaper days and me being an easy target were over with. Looks like that's just the tip of the iceberg. I think I might designate a "girls only" bathroom in the house. LOL

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  24. LOL This is great!! I am totally there with you though! Speed doesn't aim either, or lift both lids.

    "Princess and the pee!" LMAO I will never see that story the same again!

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  25. Oh goodness that title could not have been more perfect. How cute are you?!

    I pray often that I will not have a boy. I might die. Bless you.

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  26. I love the wordplay of your title - such a funny juxtaposition from the fairy tale. And yes, you are definitely the princess of your house. :-D

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  27. I completely empathize with this post...I live in a house full of Marines...one of them being my husband, the other three...well...maybe I wouldn't go so far as to call them men yet...I lost it and yelled at them this last weekend as I was cleaning our bathroom to go back to their mommies so they can be potty trained again...Thank God we're moving soon!

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  28. Hilarious!! Stonewall know I will make HIM lick it up if he does not teach his son how to pee properly. Luckily, we're still a a few years from that point.

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  29. Reading your posts just totally help reaffirm that my life truly isn't crazy...it is normal.I like the way my little brother put it one day talking to my dad. He said, "Dad, I used to think our family was so weird but as I grew older I realized that all families are weird!" LOL! I have the "Pee Issues" with my son too and yes, I also made him clean it up when I caught him aiming for the toilet brush bucket beside the toilet. It totally explained where that dang pee smell was coming from. I cannot tell you how many times I washed my rugs and the floor and was left just flabbergasted as to where the heck the pee smell was coming from. Boys, gotta love em'!!

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