Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Dear so and so

Dear New Jersey,
You stink. No really, you smell.

And dare I even ask what you smell like?

from a curious passer thru

Dear Nasty McNasty at Walmart,
Let's review: I was in the cross walk, it was raining {HARD}, I was carrying my baby in his carrier trying to get into the store before I got soaked, you were in your car where I'm guessing it wasn't raining and did you stop to let me walk?

NO

NO, you big dbag you did not. You made ME stand there in the ran while you almost ran me over. And splashed me.

I was in a crosswalk and in our state, the state we were BOTH in, that means I had the right away.

That makes me right. And you an Ahole.
love,
the pissy lady who was glaring at you

Dear dash-3,
Please eat. It's been two days, I look like Dolly Parton, help me out here.
love,
mommy

Dear man on the scooter,
You were on a road {in an actual lane of traffic} meant for cars while riding on a scooter, you were going 15 mph UNDER the speed limit, with a line of traffic behind you, that makes you not so smart.

Do you have a death wish?
-the lady in the mom mobile behind you


And last but most certainly not least,

Dear dash - 1 and -2,

Mamma missed you. A lot.
your very loving mamma



13 comments:

  1. Dear The Mrs.

    While I appreciate your hysterical anecdotes, I do wish you would put a disclaimer at the top warning of the possibility of laughter.

    Sincerely,
    The Lady Who Just Snarfed Diet Coke

    ReplyDelete
  2. What is it with drivers who don't stop for pregnant ladies, or ladies with kids as they are crossing the street?! Then they look at us like we are slowing THEM down...high five on that one.

    Hope Dash-3 decides to help in the boob reduction department. At least yours are real, I hear Dolly's are fake. ;)

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  3. OMG Lindsey! I am glad I wasn't drinking anything... too funny Mrs.!

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  4. I unfortunately WAS drinking something, and I almost managed to nose it. Almost. I caught myself, but it was a close call.

    I for one, HATE and i do mean HATE the state of New Jersey. I've been there more than once, and when Mr. asked if I'd mind living there if he got stationed somewhere there, I just looked at him with a look of TERROR on my face. Thankfully he took that as a no and never mentioned it again.

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  5. My biggest pet peeve is when people don't stop for pedestrians, ESPECIALLY when we're trying to haul kids with us IN THE RAIN! Unbelievable!

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  6. Hello... pedestrians have the right of way. I am so tired of stupid people and the world is full of them.

    Dear Hawaii Driver,
    A four way stop is very simple...like kindergarten. We take turns. You got there first, you go before me.. it's not rocket science. When you wave me to go and it's my turn anyway, don't be surprised when I give you that look.
    Sincerely,
    The woman with her mouth flailing with words you can't hear with the windows up.

    ReplyDelete
  7. I am dying laughing reading this. Dead.

    I also enjoy glaring at rude fellow customers at the store. Like the guy at Target who would not go tell the photolabguy that the ribbon was out of the photoprinterthing. Jerk.

    And I also am begining to see a pattern here between you and the State

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  8. LOL I love this!!

    Thanks for the laugh! :) Hope Dash-3 decides to cooperate and help you out!

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  9. LOVE IT! I hope Dash-3 helps you out!

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  10. Gah, Jersey....the arm pit of America :)

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  11. The Dolly Parton reference cracked me up!

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  12. OMG this is hysterical!

    Dolly Parton *snorting with laughter*
    Pissy lady glaring at you -- love it!!

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I'm not going to lie... I live for comments. Nice ones that is.