Monday, March 15, 2010

Each child...

I had a lot of concerns when we started having kids. After all, we didn't really know what we were doing, in fact, I'm not sure if we've figured it out yet, five years later. But one thing I never worried about was my ability to love them each as much as the other. I was, however, surprised things about them that I would love.

Dash-1 is my first. He holds a special place you know. He's my wickedly smart little boy, he sees the world like his father, in a big way that's his for the taking.

While he is serious, he's my dreamer.He doesn't just want to be an astronaut, he firmly believes that he will be one. And I'm inclined to believe him. {If that whole allergy thing works out}

He doesn't just look at the stars, he dreams about going there, about finding a new one. He doesn't just wonder what to do, he wonders how he can do it.

Now just in case dash-1 is reading this 10 years from now I want him to get a clear picture of what he's putting us thru, he's a bit mouthy, he feels the need to constantly butt heads and doesn't always understand who in charge, but all in all he's a good kid.

Some kids have imaginary friends, dash-1's imaginary friends are his space shuttle crew. And Buzz Aldren. He's a funny little kid.

My dash-2. {Sigh} He holds a special place, he's the middle kid, I'm the middle kid, we have that bond. And he makes me laugh. Really laugh. The kind of laugh that may start in your stomach but goes straight to your heart. But just the same as he wants to make you laugh he enjoys the silence of being by himself.

As adorable as he is, he is stubborn. Very stubborn. He sticks his heels in, furrows his brows and NOTHING is moving him.

Shame that he too has not figured out that he's not actually in charge around here either.

Tonight he didn't want to go to bed so he stripped his clothes off and stood naked in the hallway. Moments like that I don't know whether to laugh or be mad. {Flyboy was much less amused. He wasn't confused on how to react.}

And my baby, who being my baby has to have a special place. My sweet dash-3. My simply sweet baby boy who has big blue eyes, fuzzy blonde hair, and just one dimple. {My favorite line is, "Mama could only afford one dimple so that's all you got!"}

Now granted he does not nap. At. All. he is perfect to me. His personality is fit for a third child, go with the flow, he just gets dragged from here to there with the other two and smiles all the same.

And even his small size be damned because he fits just perfectly in my arms. It's like it's where he's meant to be.

Three kids.

Three uniquely wonderful kids and one me to love them all.

And enough love to go around. Funny how that works out.

If you have kids, did you worry you wouldn't be able to love them the same? Or if you don't have kids {or just one} do you have that fear?

{Even when the point of my post is to ask you all a question I'm incapable of a short post. I'm working on my wordiness, I was hoping that twitter would help me with that some. If you doubt I can type 140 characters or less, check here}

And thanks to everyone for their very much appreciated kind thoughts on my last post.

19 comments:

  1. I don't have kids yet, and I do sometimes have that fear. Not all the time, but sometimes. And partly that's because we plan on adopting as well as going the traditional route, and even though I feel like I already love them all, I'm afraid that something might make me treat them differently. But I've always heard that you love your kids equally, just differently, because they are different. So I'm holding onto that.

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  2. I'll be honest.. when I became pregnant with our second girl the first was only 6 months. I felt like we were slighting the first with time and yes... upon learning it was another girl... I wondered if it was possible to love her as much or if she'd be "the spare." When she was born... the love was different but just as strong. The difference bothered me for awhile but then I realized the first born will always be special because the emotions...all of it... is/was new.

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  3. I can say that I love all my kids the same, yet they are all so differently, and I love that about that. I wouldn't change them for anything (somedays), and I knew I would love them all, no matter what.

    But if Abs floods the house again or Junior doesn't get potty trained, I might have to change my mind!

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  4. Love this post! I don't have kids, and as the middle child (of a middle child and a youngest child), I very definitely felt ignored. So I acted out to get attention.

    I don't know whether or not my parents love us equally or not, but it's good to hear a mom's perspective!

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  5. Since day three of C-dubs birth, people have asked when we are going to have another...and every day I look at her cheeks and ask myself, "how can I love anything after her?" She is just so perfect.

    Thank you for showing me that it is possible (everyone says it just happens)...but it is good to hear it nonetheless.

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  6. I have always wanted more than one child, but after having Mr Maks I just can't imagine having another and not being able to love him with my full attention like I do now! I have seriously now been thinking we won't have another one. Or, having them really far apart...

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  7. waiting to have my 2nd little one...I too have had the thoughts in my head of if I will be able to love them the same....I'm sure I will, but those feelings are still there....how does it feel being the minority in a sea of boys?....In some small way I'm grieving the loss of not getting the opportunity to buy pink and bows....but at the same time...love those boys....

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  8. My little peanut only has one dimple too and I LOVE it!

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  9. I just have one at the moment, but DH and I definitely want more. I know we will love each of them ... but it will be different. My sister and I are really close in age and I don't think either of us ever felt that one was favored over the other. I don't want them to be too far apart so that they can grow up together.

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  10. No kids but working on it.
    Only fear I have is the intense change that will occur.
    Will I lose myself?
    Money...
    Time...

    That's about it.
    Cute post!

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  11. I can't imagine not having the two I have...each had their own personality and quirks and brought a lot of headache, joy and laughter into our lives.

    To see them as grown up is so much fun, their personalities are still there, but to see them as functioning as adults makes me proud.

    To piggyback from Friday's post....as an FYI...my daughter pooped at 7pm her entire childhood....you literally could set a watch by it. Not too bad when at home....no fun at all when at the baseball field.

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  12. You forgot to say how snuggly Dash2 is! Rob talks about it all the time, and how he sometimes bribes Dash2 with candy to make him snuggle longer (he's going to be very sad when your kids are above snuggling age, but hopefully we'll have our own by then!).

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  13. I have worried about this, but I never know if I'm joking when I say it. I love my little miracle baby so much, I don't know if I can ever love another baby as much as him...and if I cant, should I even try to have another? I'm sure I will love the next baby just the same, in different ways, just like you, but its always in the back of my mind.
    I loved this post, though. It made me smile. :)

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  14. I love what you said about your boys. When you blog about them the love you have comes through.

    Before Isaac was born I had no idea that I had that much love to give to another person. Of course, I love my husband and my mom but loving your child is different. I don't worry that I won't love a second child as much. I'm convinced I grew a second heart to love Isaac as much as I do and I can grow a third one if I have another baby.

    Lovely post, btw!

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  15. I never doubted I would love my children equally, yet differently for their unique personalities. What I am most afraid of is treating them differently because the Wee One is a boy and the newest edition is going to be a girl. I can say until I am blue in the face I will treat them the same, but will I really?? That is my biggest fear.

    By the way I laughed REALLY hard when you said that Dash-2 striped naked thinking that would get him out of having to go to bed.

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  16. @ Allison - Kids are NEVER above snuggling age! At least I don't think so (even if they do) lol

    To OP - We just have the one right now and I think while I was pregnant I worried about it but now I know love grows. I had really bad PPD and felt no feelings toward my son for 2 months. The love for him grew inside me and it is the most amazing thing now. Your post is so encouraging... and not too long at all. What's the fun of reading blogs without having a good story or explanation?

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  17. I am a middle child, too. And have classic middle child syndrome. Lucky for me, my father is also a middle child so we get along like peas and carrots. My mother and I, not so much.

    When I had my son I didn't ever think I could love another child as much as I loved him and it was something I constantly worried about when I was pregnant with my second... would I love her as much? Or more? And now it isn't even something I think about. They are as different at night and day and I love the both of them. I mean, I can't even describe, in units of measurement, how much I love them so how could I ever say I loved one more than the other.

    Maybe it will change when they get older but I hope not. Favoritism drives a hard wedge between my siblings and I and it is obvious that I am at the bottom of the heap.

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  18. I dont have kids yet and I already have so many fears. Fears that I see due to my little sister and the hell she puts my parents through regardless of how loving and understanding parents they are, fear that comes from all the mistakes that can be made from the families that walk into my classroom, oh my list goes on. I know I cant be perfect but I dont want to screw someone elses life. I have so many fears, some that I am too scared to verbalize and some that are just plain silly. My list goes on for days.

    On a different note, I asked the husband what he would do if hypothetically our child stood in the hallway naked when it was bed time, he said he would ask if he wanted a bath.. your blog never fails to give me a laugh out loud, and I RARELY do that when reading. Thank you!

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  19. Greg wants a second. I thought I did, and then there was the two year fiasco that was getting pregnant with the Captain, and I don't think I do anymore. I don't know if I could put myself through that again, and I wonder if it would actually be easier this time--if I'd love that one the same because the Captain was kind of the miracle baby we didn't think we'd get to have. As long as I still feel that way about her, I'm kind of afraid that another kid just could not compete in my heart with that, nor would it be fair.

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