I jinxed myself

There will be no dash-3. Last night I miscarried and flyboy and I are just trying to come to peace with it and what that means for us.

I am lucky to have been blessed with two very adorable, healthy, lively (at time too lively!) little boys. I am incredibly lucky to have an amazing husband who took off of work to just sit with me and stroke my hair as I cried. I am so very blessed to have such a loving family.

But it still hurts. I'm still angry and upset and heartbroken.

It hadn't been a planned pregnancy but we were still excited. We looked at our boys and we knew how lucky we were to get to bring another life into this world. I'm sure some think I went public too soon, however I felt safe, I had to pregnancies under my belt and had told about those early.

But it obviously wasn't meant to be. At least not right now.

Who knows when we'll try again. Maybe it will happen in the next few months, maybe with his schedule it will be a year or so off. What this has done is shown me that as overwhelmed as I may feel from time to time that a third child felt right.

The best medicine seems to be just taking all the free hugs and kisses offered up around here. To snuggle with my little ones and realize just what a miracle and a blessing having children is. To find comfort in the arms of my husband and the smile of my kids.

And while I have finally found something that entitles me to lay around in bed and do nothing while he takes care of the kids for me. (side note, cause there must be humor in here. did you know there are non cartoons on tv during the middle of the day?!) I hope this never happens again, once was enough.