Wednesday, September 24, 2008

A poop post

If you don't like poop don't read this. There I warned ya.

At the request of his gastro dr. dash-1 was ordered to do a poop study. I'm sure he said a more scientific name but lets call it what it is. He wants me to follow him around and dig in his poop.

Hey in the grand scheme of possible medical test this one is nothing. Although digging in poop is not high on my list lets be honest,
a. I'm a mom and really at this stage in my life poop is like a flight suit to my husband, just part of the package. and
b. He's had some nasty medical test and while digging in poop is disgusting it doesn't cause him any pain.

That is not to say this hasn't been without bumps. At all.

I took the orders to the lab on post (its a civilian specialist). What happened next was humorous to say the least.

They look it over, go to the back room to get someone else, he looks it over, scratches his head, goes to get someone else, she too looks puzzled. She grabs some big medical book and starts looking things up.

This folks, does not instilled great confidence.

Then the original guy starts getting out plastic little jars for me. A lot of them. Lining them up, one by one, some are in pairs, some are pink, some are blue, some have some weird chemical in them.

It was a little parade of poop holders.

Oh and we cant forget the jar that was for a frozen poopsicle. Flyboy suggested getting an entirely separate freezer for that specimen. I decided putting it in the jar, the biohazard bag, and then 15 additional freezer bags would suffice.

I left the lab with what seemed like a book of instructions and a giant bag of poop jars. It was as if Christmas came early for me.

I thought this would be fairly easy. Let him use his little potty training potty since the poop cant hit the water and in no time I would have everything taken care of and back at the lab.

HA. Looking back two weeks I laugh at my ignorance.

Dash-1 caught on pretty quick that I was hanging around waiting for him to poop. I tried not to make it obvious, but I didn't want to waste a poop so I might have occasionally lunged at him to intercept his butt and the big toilet filled with contaminating water.

The other day I asked him at the store if he needed to go potty. In a rather loud, pissed off tone he curtly replied to me "Leave my poop alone! Stop asking me about my butt."

Point taken.

He's starting to avoid the toilet and well thats just gonna backfire at some point. I even made him some fiber brownies to speed alone the last sample I need. Anything to get frozen poopsicle out of my freezer.

This test started out as an simple little poop retrieval. Its now become a pain in my ass.

Pardon the pun.

14 comments:

  1. How you make poop interesting is beyond me, but somehow, you accomplish it.

    I laughed out loud and made *R* read the post to prepare him for fatherhood. You know...like 35 years down the road now that he knows poopsicles may be involved.

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  2. Ah...the wonders of poop. I'm glad you can maintain a sense of humor about digging through poop!

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  3. Wow...I cannot stop laughing.

    I apologize since I'm sure the last couple of weeks haven't been fun for you, but it makes for good reading!

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  4. Hahahaha!! I think it is hilarious that your son thinks you are some kind of poop bandit now.

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  5. Wow, really makes me look forward to being a parent. Good luck in your quest for poop!

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  6. Can't wait to have one of my own, haha. This was such a funny post! Best of luck to you!

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  7. I had a good laugh at what your son said in a store!! I don't think I could have maintained any humor while waiting for poop.

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  8. how is it possible that you make poop fun?

    you made me giggle.

    thanks.

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  9. Since you've mentioned it, I had a stomach virus and had to do the same thing. I felt so dirty having to poop in cup like that and then having some nurse tell me to "separate it" with a prodder the size of a toothpick. If I had a hard time doing it for myself I can't imagine having kids. I think I might have giggled at the idea.

    I love your little one's response! made me laugh so hard!

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  10. Oh the joys of motherhood and poop.

    I'm reading this at work and my co-worker wants to know what I'm laughing about "at work", um poop.

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  11. Oh yuck. I'm so sorry you're having to do that! *gag* When is it finally over?

    Isn't having kids great?!

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  12. haha gotta love a good poop story right? I can see my kid telling me the same thing.

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  13. Poop posts always make me laugh...hehe :)

    Thanks for the laugh!

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