Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Who is it harder on?

The one who goes or the ones who stay behind?

And when I say the ones who stay behind I'm not so much talking about me. Well maybe a little. Being mom and dad,which may I point out having two little boys who are very much boys boys, I stink at. I am not dad, I do not wrestle as well as him, I do not rough house as well as him, and I'm pretty sure if i shot off a rocket I'd probably set a barn or my finger on fire.

And as dash-1 has pointed out I don't pee standing up.

I often picture flyboy away on a mini vacation. I know that this isn't the case but when your home cleaning up vomit or something equally as gross its hard not to let your mind wonder like that. The fact is is that he's hardly on a vacation. Sure he gets to eat meals without little fingers poking his food and doesn't wake up three times a night because some one's night light fell on their head or something equally as odd but he's working hard.

He's flying long days, doing as he likes to call it "the bag drag" from place to place, when he's not flying he's planning and preparing to fly, and well lets not skim over the fact that he is in constant close contact with idiots. That alone my friends can be draining.

And not to mention all that he misses out on at home.

He misses out on birthdays, school stuff, even just regular old weekends, he's not here for those. And that has to suck.

And not to mention what the boys miss out on. They miss out on their dad. A lot it would seem these days. Last night, on a brief stop over at home before his next trip, dash-1 asked flyboy if he just stayed awake then morning wouldn't come and then daddy wouldn't have to go. Things like that may break my heart but I think they stab at flyboys.

And there is no let up. We haven't done the "traditional deployment" in a while. But what we do is constant. No break from year to year.

Just constant tdy over and over and over again. Be it a couple days, a couple weeks or a couple months at a time, every year is the same. Every year the same birthdays are missed, every year it seems we spend less of the year together as a family and more just getting thru the trip we are facing.

We could get orders to a new base at some point, but short of the weather nothing would change. This is the lifestyle that goes with the airplane. And flyboy goes with the airplane.

I used to think that I won the award for who suffered the most during his trips. I suffered the most toiling away on the home front. I'm realizing that I have it the easiest.

Just like I know the kids may miss their father, they know their daddy loves them. I hope flyboy realizes that sure we miss him and sure this lifestyle can be a rather large pain in the butt from time to time, but we know that he is doing it for us. It is never, not for one moment misunderstood or unappreciated.

Do I wish he had a 9 to 5 job from time to time? YES, but well, I like sleeping with a Marine.


  1. very nicely put. im right there with your feeling sister!! :) you are amazilngly strong and so are your boys and hubby too!!

  2. Aww what a sweet post!! You are all so strong and I admire you all!

  3. i don't have much experience here (yet), but i have to say i think you handle all the stress of being a mom and a dad very gracefully.

    i hope i'm as strong as you are when the time comes :]

  4. It's just hard on everyone, no doubt. Although I may change my mind on who has it worst after the next deployment when my daughter is old enough to be cognizant of it.

    I don't know how well I would handle those constant short TDYs. I'm much more used to the long ones that come along every few years. During a long deployment being alone becomes the new normal, but in your situation you have to readjust all the time. It would be tough, and you handle it so well. Your boys (big and small) are very lucky to have you.

  5. "well, I like sleeping with a Marine"

    Well put, sister!

  6. I agree with dutchgirl. I admire you for the constant TDYs. Long stretches of time, while they suck, I get used to. I don't know if I could handle the constant roller coaster of emotions that would come with all those flights! You really inspire me! :)

  7. This is such a great post. I admire you so much and I think you are so selfless. Even in this post. I like that you mentioned that it's just as hard for Flyboy. That's something I am constantly reminding myself of, it's hard for me but I think it's even harder for Joe. But back to you...I really hope I am half the mom/dad/wife/person you are someday!

  8. Wow. I ask myself that question EVERY day.

    Sorry for the lack of humour here. I am beat tonight!

    Be posting tomorrow!! Have a good night hun!

  9. I agree so very much. I have always felt that as hard as it is to be the one at home, left behind as it were doing the grunt work, I always felt my husband had it worse. I was (am) at home. I spend time with our children. I see them grow and change. I am witness to the good and the bad. Now our sweet little babies are flying the coop and my poor sweet husband feels he missed so much.

  10. What a moving post-I do admire your strength...I can't imagine. Thanks for visiting my blog! I will be back-Love yours...

  11. awww :(
    Very lovely post. Flyboy is a lucky man to have such a lady as yourself :)
    Sending love your way <3

  12. I wonder this a lot too. But I still haven't come up with an answer. I tend to think that each end has its upsides and downsides so maybe it just sucks equally??

  13. You said it so well. I think we all have our points of hardship on TDYs or deployments. We want a break from the everyday stuff and our husbands want to come home to the everyday stuff.
    As long as we know they love us and they know we love them we'll get through this lifestyle until they retire.

  14. It's all relative- you both have equally tough parts in this. Different, but no doubt just as difficult. You are my hero for being able to make it through all of these separations. Yes we know and say it's all part of being a military wife, but that doesn't make it suck any less! As for your hubby, I'm sure it tears at his heart to leave the boys and YOU all of the time.

    But that's why I'm grateful we still have some great military families out there- willing to go through all of the crap for the bigger picture!


I'm not going to lie... I live for comments. Nice ones that is.