Monday, October 6, 2008

What I have learned about motherhood....

It is not easy. At all.

There are days that you want to throw in the towel and run away.

It's not a job. It's a way of life. There are no vacation days, sick days or comp time. As long as there are hours in the day your on call.

Nine times out of ten when your in the shower, someone will need you. This is also true for when your in the bathroom.

Its hard, if not impossible to be able to meet every ones needs all the time, shoot for 99% but don't beat yourself up if its closer to 85%.

I'm hoping that having a spouse who is absent a fair share of the time makes this all more difficult and its not merely the fact that I'm coming up short. The past few days around here have been tough.

I have two little boys and when flyboy is gone I've had a hard time balancing being a mom and a dad. In all honesty I feel like I've had a hard time just being mom. Balancing two nonstop kids, neither one of whom naps, is wearing me down.

Someone is always up at night, nothing major most of the time, falling out of bed, needing a tissue, bad dream. But its something. Its hard when there is no one to lovingly push out of the bed to attend to them. It's just you. 24 hours a day. 7 days a week.

At the age mine are at, 3 1/2 and 22mths, its tough never feeling like you are giving one of the one on one attention they need. Dash-1 wants to play outside longer but dash-2 is crying to go inside. Dash-2 wants to be held on the bench and be told stories at the park but dash-1 wants to be pushed on the swing.

I know that they need to learn how to wait their turns but at this age, its a tough concept to grasp. And I'm left feeling like everyone needs more.

And to be honest some days there isn't anymore to give.

I always wonder if we are making our kids pay for our decision to stay in. I hope I get the balance worked out, I hope the next month or two waiting to hear something about what "may" be with flyboy and his project fly by and at least that stress, the stress of not knowing, will be out of the house.

The constant revolving door of coming and goings is tough, it wears the kids down like it wears me down, but it makes me really appreciate those of you who are doing 15mth tours at home right now. Hats off to you ladies!

11 comments:

  1. Amen, sister.

    I feel every word you've written. You're certainly not alone!

    Hugs!
    Becca

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  2. This is exactly what I'm scared of! My boyfriend and I are trying to decide whether he should re enlist or finish off this tour and head into civilian world. It's hard because I have a daughter and I feel like she shouldn't have to go through the life of moving and having him come in and out of her life constantly. How do you do it!?

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  3. hats right back off to you friend.

    i have said it before and i will say it again - i truly don't know how you do it.

    sending hugs and hopes for a better week :)

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  4. I'm a military brat- my dad was in the field when i was born- in korea the first 6 months of life- left for a year to okinawa when i was in first grade- lived in NY away from us for 2 years (8&9 grade) and was in New orleans my senior year. The last two absences were because my mom wanted us to stay in our high schools, but i really think it's because SHE didn't want to leave. What i learned from all that is never break the family up unless necessary. Another thing that was good about it all was I became pretty independent. Not in a bad way, but more capable of doing things my other friends didn't feel like doing, or hadn't been taught to do. I appreciated my dad a lot even tho he was gone a lot- i knew he was doing it for me, my family, and our country. I have such a love for our country and all it stands for. That is another thing the military has taught me- respect. I feel like because of my miilitary life as a kid- i am more prepared for what lies ahead. I miss my parents but i can survive only seeing them every once in a while and rely on the phone. I wouldn't change my military brat life for ANYTHING! Kids are more versatile than you may realize at their young age, I'm sure they miss daddy a lot but as they get older they will be the men of the house when he is gone- and help you with things not to mention they'll be well traveled, well adjusted people:)
    hang in there~!

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  5. I am also often conflicted by the "having a hard time just being mom" thing. And I only have one! My thoughts are with you tonight, hoping for a night of peaceful sleepers for you!

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  6. Its so hard going it alone and night is the worst.

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  7. It is hard, but know you're not in that boat alone. I feel like that a lot. But, being a mil-brat myself, I don't think it's our lifestyle that is warping my kids (it's just me!).
    If you haven't already seen it, I really recommend you watch Donna Musil's documentary about military brats. I think it's called Brats: Our Journey Home. Even though it focuses on brats from earlier generations, a lot of the experiences haven't changed too much. The pros still outweigh the cons in my book.

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  8. Being a mom is the most difficult job in the world. No vac. time and do we ever give enough???

    What a great post.

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  9. I think you're an amazing mom and I'm sure someday your kids will say "thanks" for all you and hubby have sacrificed for them. Well written!

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  10. I had to laugh a little at this one; I don't think I've slept a full night since Oscar was born. He's turning one now, and I'm going crazy for some real sleep. Wyatt was such a perfect sleeper (once we found the right drugs for his reflux!). Oscar, I just can't seem to find the trick. Sigh. And the nights Oliver is home, they wake me up first, anyway, and I know he's got to get up early or didn't get any sleep the night before. You just can't win sometimes.

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  11. Well, with the four kids and one on the way, I feel ya! I do, however, feel like the household runs so much more smoothly when my "big kid" is deployed. We all fall into a "have to" mode. Things get done, the kids stay on a schedule and help out more than when he's here. When he returns, we go into "expect him to do everything" mode. We start slacking and schedules get turned upside down. The kids all want their QT with Dad and I have to wait until the wee hours of the morning to get my goodnight kiss. It's tough at times, but being mother and stand in father gives me validation on most days. I feel like the hero when only I am here to save the day. Is that terrible???

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