Saturday, July 17, 2010

one of those nights

Tonight is one of those nights. Actually most of today was one of those days.

Now that the house is finally quiet, which didn't happen till far too late I'm just here sitting.

"Please please sleep boys, mama doesn't have anymore in her right now."

I am drained.

I hate days like this.

I hate yelling.

I hate feeling like the absolute worst mama ever.

I hate feeling like I have nothing left in me.

The quiet should be peaceful but now that the house is still I'm left with my thoughts and my regrets.

"I'm sorry boys. I wish we could have a do over."

I should be able to just deal with the nasty moods and the disobedience and smile and keep my calm mom exterior but I can't always do that. I wish I could. I wish I was always the Donna Reed kinda mom I see in the parenting magazines.

But days like this happen.

I know tomorrow is another day, I know I have the power to make it the kind of day I want it to be, but right now none of that matters, right now I just feel like a failure.

A big ol mom failure.

And I forgot to feed the fish. Again.

12 comments:

  1. You're not a failure...everyone has bad days...(((hugs))) I hope it gets better!! (I'm a new follower from MilSpouse Bloggers)

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  2. Don't feel like a failure! I have days like that and I'm only trying to wrangle one boy. We may be moms, but we're human and have our moments too. I think it's a plus we recognize those and strive to do better. Our boys are lucky for that. ((HUGS)) Hope tomorrow is much better.

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  3. In response to one of your tweets ... those perfect looking families at target? Not always so perfect. The family that I always said I wanted to belong to in middle school and asked my parents why we couldn't be more like them? Well, the mom is now 100 lbs overweight. The dad has a mistress that the whole town knows about because he pays for her penthouse apartment. The youngest daughter who is 18 was just on the news for a DUI. The dad might go to jail because he was the CEO of an enron-like company and might have embezzled a billion or so dollars. And they were that perfect family. Just remember ... you're doing all that you can and that is a shitton more than a lot of people. PS: I just went to a great engagement party and had about 1 trillion margaritas so yes, I know I'm rambling. And, you're doing it on your own a lot of the time. So I think you're doing amazing. ah-mah-zing. Hang in there girlie! :) And don't forget that those perfect target families have bad days too!

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  4. I tell the Captain some nights when I put her to bed that I'm sorry the day didn't go well and that I'd try to do better tomorrow, and I've only got the one.

    I think every mom has days like this. You do the best you can, and you do it all by yourself a lot of the time, so your best is all you can ask of yourself.

    Tomorrow will be better, as long as you forgive yourself and let it go tonight.

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  5. ((hugs))

    And if it makes you feel any better... fish don't need to be fed every day ;)

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  6. Dear, you're SO not alone in those bad days. Gosh, Thursday was horrible for me. (I'm not a mom, but really? Life at home can be tough for anyone!! Anything involving people....especially siblings/children/anyone...can be so trying sometimes.)
    Hang in there, mama. :) A better day will come!

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  7. In my opinion, the only moms who are calm and collected all the time are probably hitting the hooch or are on something else. You're human. You're going to have bad days. It sounds like you modeled excellent behavior by apologizing for the impatience. Don't beat yourself up for being human.

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  8. Awww, I'm so sorry you had such a tough day:( But you are NOT a bad mommy! We all have those dark days we hate to think about. But maybe they'll make us appreciate the good days more. And those perfect women? I bet they have full time nannies or house keepers. It's a lot tougher for us moms that do it all! Hope tomorrow is a better day for you!

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  9. Donna Reed was tv, not reality! I am sure after she walked off that set, she was yelling at her kids! We all have bad days. It is normal. There is NOT a perfect family. In fact, I agree with Jane's comment on that! BTW, did you order the gravy plate! HA!!

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  10. I definitely have those days too. I feel like it has been happening more and more these days too. Im sure it will get better, and you kids know you are a great mom!

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  11. We all have days like that now and again and we all make mistakes. Parenting is such a "learn as you go" process. So long as your heart is in it, your kids should turn out alright. :)

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  12. You're an amazing mom/person/daughter/wife/SlL. I know I'm about a week late reading this, but I still wanted to say it. I've seen you in action and I hope to be half as good as you when I have kids. Xoxoxo.

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