Tonight is one of those nights. Actually most of today was one of those days.
Now that the house is finally quiet, which didn't happen till far too late I'm just here sitting.
"Please please sleep boys, mama doesn't have anymore in her right now."
I am drained.
I hate days like this.
I hate yelling.
I hate feeling like the absolute worst mama ever.
I hate feeling like I have nothing left in me.
The quiet should be peaceful but now that the house is still I'm left with my thoughts and my regrets.
"I'm sorry boys. I wish we could have a do over."
I should be able to just deal with the nasty moods and the disobedience and smile and keep my calm mom exterior but I can't always do that. I wish I could. I wish I was always the Donna Reed kinda mom I see in the parenting magazines.
But days like this happen.
I know tomorrow is another day, I know I have the power to make it the kind of day I want it to be, but right now none of that matters, right now I just feel like a failure.
A big ol mom failure.
And I forgot to feed the fish. Again.
NYC Financial District
14 hours ago