Sunday, July 18, 2010

honest mommy moment

I'm going to share enough real post of parenting with you all, other wise known round these parts as an honest mommy moment.

Kids.

Sigh

I could just leave it there. That says more then you think it does.

When your pregnant you rub your belly and dream of what they will be like. When they are mere babes you pat their little backs, smoothing our the wrinkles in their onesies, bouncing them up and down on your shoulder whispering in their ears all the things they will do.

I'm guilty of this. Flyboy is guilty of this. Who isn't?

And if you say well I've never done it, I must toss down the bull shit flag, I think its human nature.

But. There is always a but in life. We have to accept them for who they are if they are just a little bit different then we thought they would be. Or should be.

I love my little dash-1. He's been through some rough times lately. And I will admit, its hard sometimes to remember to just accept him for who he is.

He's my first baby, the one that made me a mommy, the one that taught me how to love with the very whole of my being. Him and I have learned a lot together.

When he was learning to hold his head up and eat baby food I was learning to be a mom.

When he was learning to walk, I was still learning to be a mom.

With everyone of his first, be it the start of elementary school, learning to drive, his first date, I'll still be learning to be a mom.

And the most important part of parenting is learning how to love them for who they are.

Dash-1 is the one who test me. Dash-2 can be a little weird too, I mean he does like to wear his underwear backwards. But I will admit in the past several months there have been times when I looked at my firstborn and wondered if I could change him.

Why can't we mold our kids to be what we had thought they would be? What we think will make life easier for them?

I mean we are given these little beings and told that they are ours to mold and shape. Why can't we?

Because.

No really, just because. I don't have all the answers here. But I'll give you my theory.

My theory is that its our job to teach them, to mold and shape to be good decent people and thats where the molding and shaping ends. Obviously some parents tried their damnedest and failed or just phoned in and well, they keep the news people in business, but for the rest of us that's it.

We get to give them our DNA. They have my eyes, flyboy's head shape, my smile, his nose, his build, my humor, his smarts, we give them that kinda stuff. We teach them to say please and thank you, to hold open doors, to treat all as equals, to be kind and humble, to take loss with dignity and to win with grace. But in a way it ends there.

It's hard to realize that at some point you have to let them be. Quirks and all, they are at the end of the day, not an extension of myself or flyboy, but their own person. To be loved, respected, appreciated.

Wanna know who taught me this? My mom.

12 comments:

  1. This is a great post! And honestly, exactly what I needed to remind myself of. I have a hard time with my oldest, who is only 7. I have to remind myself that our babies are WHO they are when they are born. They are already born with their own personality. It is hard to be a mom, and to be a good one at that!

    Thank you for this great post!!!!!!

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  2. My mom says the same things!

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  3. Man, that was a darn good post.
    You're a good mama. :)
    Gosh, I'm just going to save this in a corner of my documents for someday in the hopeful future, if that's okay? I'll be sure to put your name on it. ;)
    Amazing.

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  4. I agree. My little girl is everything I dreamed of and more and by more I mean, I didn't expect a lot of the stuff... like the attitude. Oh, the attitude. haha... Great post :)
    xx

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  5. This is totally a reaction to me saying what my two fave posts this month were on twitter, isn't it?

    Excellent post and so true. I think sometimes we need a reminder that while we build our kids up... they strip us down. At least, they strip away our expecations and ideals of what our children will be like. We teach them these things and they teach us so much than we expected to learn as parents.

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  6. I've blogged on this topic! It's a tough one for any parent. As a mom to a child with Asperger's it's something I struggle with constantly! But I know that we have to let them be and appreciate that person.

    Excellent post!

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  7. Great post, thank you for all of you honesty. While more rewarding than anything in the world this motherhood thing is hard.

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  8. What a great post! I am adding the caveat of "I know we don't have kids yet..." but I know of a LOT of parents who haven't got this figured out! (If you've ever read on my blog about the battle between my parents and my brother's hair....)

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  9. I love this post. Couldn't agree more.

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  10. Great post! Wish I could put my thoughts into words like you have here!

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  11. I remember rubbing my preggo belly when I was pregnant with Tyler. We did not find out the sex. I rubbed my belly saying I was having a boy. Towards the end, I had a feeling that we were having a girl and I told her that her mommy is not girly and we would have lots of fun being a Tom Boy together. OMG! The girl came out girly! She was standing on her tippy toes before she started walking. Her favorite color is pink and she loves to dance. She has made me more girly! I have learned that I eat my words every time and my mom sits back and laughs. She was right on everything. When I said I wanted 2 boys, she said you will change your mind. I called her last night and told her about something Landon did and she laughed and said, Remember you wanted all boys! ARGH! I have learned so much through Tyler and Landon. GREAT POST!

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  12. This is just a note to say--there's something over here....
    http://miraclesdontbreakthelawsofnature.blogspot.com/2010/07/blog-award.html
    For you!
    ;)

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