Wednesday, July 1, 2009

There's been a coup - Honest Mommy Moment

There has been a coup in our house. I was the target, dash-1 was the renegade militia, and sadly, as embarrassed as I am to type this, it was successful. Until now. I am taking back control.

Somewhere along the line I started going soft with him. Not because I'm lazy per say, or because I desperately wanted him to always like me. But because well, quite frankly, when you spend every minute of every day with your children, especially when your husband is gone for weeks on end leaving you solo good guy/bad guy, you can get worn down.

It starts off innocent enough, I found myself saying no and then immediately reversing when he would start in with the whining. That is equal to getting on a major news network and releasing troop movement to the enemy. It gives them an in.

And when they know they are getting an in, they know they are getting to you, and gaining strength. I'm not saying that they go back to the playroom and organize a strategy, but they might as well.

Side note, flyboy once compared raising kids to guerrilla warfare. Those might have been his most accurate words EVER concerning parenting.

I'm tired of it though, I'm tired of not getting the same respect that flyboy gets. He speaks and they listen. I speak and they cock their head and stare at me. Or they just raise an eyebrow as if to say, "And your authority might be.....". It's not all the time, but its enough of the time that I'm tired of it.

I'm tired of not being taken as the voice of authority around here. I do not take orders from a four year old.

It's been painful to accept and admit that I played a part in this, and holy crap, is it painful to put a stop too. This is one of those situations I look at and wonder if I've let this happen, what kinda mom and I. And I came to the realization, a human one. Who makes some mistakes and who, like her kids, is learning along the way.

I want my kids to always like me, I hate to hear the "I hate you!" "Your so mean!" (yes, you new moms out there, that does come out of their mouths much sooner then you think!) But as a mom, it is my job to lay down the law, to instill guidelines, rules, limits, to teach them to respect others and themselves. And most importantly, not to raise brats.

Nothing is gained if my kids grow up to be smart brats.

So I'm going back to basics. I'm sticking to my guns. NO MEANS NO.

I started typing this during a fit he was throwing in his room (he wanted a lollipop), 50 minutes later, he has finished and I was able to have some type of discussion with him.

And it's only 10:43 in the morning, something tells me that this will not be our only battle of the day. And something else tells me that it's going to be a long day.

18 comments:

  1. Awww. I feel your pain! It has to get better, though... right? Lol.

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  2. Good for you for being able to do something about it now. My biggest pet peeve is parents who don't parent. Gee, I say that as someone who doesn't have kids, haha!

    Good luck, I'm sure it's rough!!!

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  3. One or both my kids tend to have some form of tantrum a day. It is mostly over them not getting a certain thing or mommy not bending over backwards to answer their every whim. Drives me bonkers. LOL

    I hope the rest of your day is better.

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  4. im seeing our little family in your post right now, zachary does the whole" oh so u think your in charge" face too. but not with daddy. my fault. yes. lol. thanksa for posting this honest mommy moment.

    and thanks for the kind words on my photography blog!:)

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  5. I'm glad he finally stopped. Madeline through a fit shortly after i got off the phone with you., Oh kids

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  6. I hope they surprise you and are sweet little angels for the rest of the day...or at least you can dream right:)

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  7. Uh Im having issues like that too. Baby Girl runs around the house crying and whining for her paci. Its so hard not to shove it in her mouth to get her to calm down. But, I know that if I do that will be the start of it.

    Good luck.

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  8. It definitely has to be hard being the only good cop bad cop in the house while flyboy is away. That's one thing I am not looking forward to.

    Best of luck with dash-1!!

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  9. Girrll - I am SO glad I'm not there! I know I'm not redy for kids when I can only take whining for like a MILIsecond before I go postal. Oy vey!!

    ... You're my hero.

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  10. here's to sticking to your guns friend!

    and hoping the day takes a turnaround after nap time :)

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  11. "raising kids as guerilla warfare"...I love it! And happen to think it is completely true!

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  12. Keenan informed me the other day that he loves his daddy a whole lot but likes me just a little bit. It happens :)

    Good luck with Dash-1 - I'm sure you'll both do fine once he realizes that you really do mean it. Drop me a line if you need help in the stubborn department ;-)

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  13. Good for you for seeing it now, at least you can fix it before it gets too out of control

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  14. Wow-- this sounds so frustrating, and gives me a lot to look forward to ;)
    All jokes aside though, I admire your strength and courage through all of this, and I'm not even a mom yet!

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  15. I fully expect the Captain's first complete sentence to be "You suck, mom." I also agree with your assessment that you're only human. You are mom and dad to the boys pretty often while growing a whole other one. You're busy. But...you are working on his behavior now, instead of when he's sixteen and stealing the car when Flyboy's away or something. Which means you're still a pretty damn good mother.

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  16. SOOOO with you on this. My problem is that DAD folds too easily, and "overrides" my decisions. He does not ask my children if they've previously received an answer from me...hence, when I find my kids doing something they'd been forbidden to do, I get VERY ANGRY.

    I get even more angry when, in front of the children, he chooses to correct my discipline: "just ignore him, he'll stop" (after 10 minutes of whining/yelling/buzzinglikeaplane/teasing has gone on), etc.

    I have pulled the spanking card out more often than I'd like. Haven't had to USE it, but the threat of it certainly works better.

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  17. "next time run faster" <--that's classic! Love it! Sounds just like something J would say to our boys.

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  18. Oh, no not MY child... MY child will NEVER tell me "I hate you!" (wink)

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