Thursday, July 9, 2009

asking for help sucks

I know a lot of people, moms and non mom's alike, can relate to this. I really know that you military people can.... The dreaded asking and accepting help from others.

Really you wouldn't think it would be this tough but it is. Even from your mother.

Yesterday evening out of no where horrible back pain started in. It wasn't normal back pain, I knew something was up. I really knew something was up when the pain would intensify to the point where I didn't want to talk.

Yes folks, I was at a loss for words.

So off my mom and I went to the closest military base, an Air Force base about 30 min from my parents house. Up to labor and delivery I went and a full work up I got. Delightful folks. Just delightful.

Something was going on, just what who knows. There was some dilating but that could just be par for course, there certainly was pain but apparently that is open to interpretation. One nurse was lovely and one nurse totally blew me off, I gotta be honest folks, I've had 2 other kids, I've been down the preterm road before and I know my body.

What was going on was not normal. They kept me there for a while and then sent me on my way and told me to "take it easy". I suppose the missed the part where I told them I had a four and a two year old at home.

What does take it easy mean? There are still diapers to be changed (and on that note, potty training to be started in on), boo boos to kiss, baths to give, kids to dress, STUFF TO DO! And I'm the mom.

As strange as this may sound, I'm lucky that flyboy is away right now and I'm down here at my parents. If I hadn't come down here for a visit, I'd surely be REALLY screwed at home solo, but I'm hate to impose on my parents. I hate that feeling of dumping my responsibilities off on them. My mother is even talking about not going to basket weaving tonight.

And lest we forget my children are hurricanes, they go and go and go until bedtime. And even then they are still going.

But then again, I'm tired. I still have this awful cold and I most certainly do not wish to go into labor at 32 weeks. But its such a balancing act, what to do what not to do, when to accept the help and when to just barrel thru.

I hate balancing acts.


  1. I know accepting help sucks, but it doesn't seem like you would abuse it. Generally people like to help others bear their load when they need it. I'm sure your mom doesn't feel put upon and might even be excited to have her "little girl" need her again. My mom felt that way when I needed her to take care of my after my appendectomy. She bought all my groceries, rented some movies, cooked me dinner. Even though she didn't stay at my house, she came back every morning bright and early and took time off work. So did my dad. He got off a plane in Shreveport and drove 4 hours to Houston and lived on my couch for about 4 days. They wanted to do that too. It sucked to have to need so much from them and impose on their lives.

  2. Oh no! Hope everything works out and you feel better soon!!

  3. First of all...glad that you and baby are okay :) does suck to ask for help. But...we all gotta do it sometime. AGain...glad you are OK.

  4. I'm so glad you are at your parents! I can't imagine taking it easy with the other little ones though. Ugh. Okay, I have the solution- Hire a nanny! But pick one who doesn't speak English, then you won't be able to ASK her for help :) This works, right? Maybe not. Maybe I shouldn't have had so much wine...

  5. Back pain is not good. I'm so glad you were with your family and not alone.

    I know we all hate asking for help... but you sure have a good reason to.

    Fingers crossed for you.

  6. I hate offering help and accepting. But geez do I love the help...

    I think this is a good time to ask for it - it's not like you're making up your exhaustion, sickness, or Dr's orders! Take it easy mean don't do the mad-dash after the dashes! :) Hope you're doing okay!

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  8. (sorry, there was a big typo in my comment so I erased it) I'm glad that you're at your parents, too. But really--look at it from their point of view. You are a mom, you know. If your babies, no matter what the age, needed help, you would bend over backwards to assist them. That's what your parents want to do for you. So let them. You've got enough on your hands keeping that last dash brother put til he finishes cooking.

  9. It is really tough for me to ask for help, too. I'm glad your parents are there to ask, though, and that so far you and the baby are ok.

  10. I'm glad to hear your ok. I think it's fine to ask for help once and awhile as long as it's not that every other day.

  11. I am so glad you are alright, and even more thankful you were with your parents who could help you get to the hospital! Yeah, it totally sucks asking for help, especially when you have little ones but I have to agree with what the other women have said. They are your family, and I have a feeling they just want to help make sure that you are okay. So no more feeling bad!

  12. It's hard to ask for help, yes. I can't do it either.

    But a mommy never stops being a mommy, and your parents are probably so relieved they're able to help you so easily, instead of worrying about you miles and miles away with Flyboy gone.

    I hope you're feeling better soon!

  13. I say relax and accept any help you are offered. You have a handful and pain during pregnancy is scary. I know it's hard to ask for favors but sometimes it's necessary and you know you would do it for them! Think of it as an IOU...

    I hope you are feeling better soon.

  14. I havent met your mom yet but from what you say about her I know she doesnt mind helping you out. Take it while you can. I know the feeling though. I hate asking my parents to babysit I know they dont mind but i feel like a burden.
    I'm glad your ok rest up keep that baby in there a little bit longer. i cant wait to meet him next month

  15. It does the Nth degree. I've been on complete bed rest for a week, which means I couldn't drive the 29 miles each way to take Fabul-O to school. I couldn't care for her on my own either so she's been staying with a friend of ours during the day. A friend who has kids who are 14 and 19. A friend who is so emotionally drained and spent by the time Will picks up Olivia, but she always hugs and kisses her and tells her to come back any time. She had to go back every day this week. Everyone else has been picking her up, healing her boo-boos and doing everything I haven't been able to. I haven't been able to do laundry, dishes or anything. Just when I thought I could do it, I had to call my parents and beg (my words, my mom would never allow me to beg her to watch Olivia) so I could recouperate for two more days before going back to work on Monday and Will has drill and is going to be gone. Granted, I'm not pregnant and it's only one kid, but I was so grateful that others have let me impose on them. I needed it this time.

    I'm glad you're with your don't need to be alone right now. Let your mom help you out, as hard as it is for you. You're not totally out of the picture, just sitting on the sidelines.

    Hang on Dash-3...

    Lots of hugs, prayers and well-wishes your way.

  16. So sorry you are not feeling well. If you need to talk or vent you know I am always around. Give me a call if you need to.


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