Wednesday, April 1, 2009

no husband bashing here

I hate husband bashing. I've said this before on here, I just don't see the need for it and quite frankly I think its horribly disrespectful to your spouse and to your marriage.

Now, I do think the occasional funny husband tid bit or talk of what they do that drives us crazy is ok. In fact I think both make great blog material when handled in a funny, none hateful way. But the bashing is to me just disgusting.

I found a mommy board online for the local area. I thought it would be a place to trade parenting tips, cute stories, and find playgroups. I found the board before I had started blogging and honestly I thought I would find the community there that I have found here. It was ok at first, but then again ever notice how crazy people always seem normal at first?

I've pretty much stopped posting or expecting to get anything out of that board. I did meet one very lovely person on the board who has kids oh so close to my kids age and her husband is also military. Well Coast Guard but potatoe/potato (I'm only kidding brie, she also reads this now so no coastie jokes). Finding her was nice, finally my kids had someone else who understood that daddies go away and I had a military spouse friend.

Anyways I still do check in on the boards to see what people have posted. It's like a sickness, I guess its some form of voyerism. But all they do is husband bash. And I'm talking some NASTY stuff.

And let me tell you how that board was lit up on valentines day. One woman was pissed because her husband bought her a box of nice chocolates and she had just lost some weight. And just an fyi she was ripping into how stupid he was and I believe the a hole word was used. Sweet Jesus cut the poor guy some slack or hey, hears an idea, appreciate that he's home with you. Perhaps he was a little clueless but maybe just maybe he was really trying.

Wanna make a bet her appreciative ass isn't going to get anything next year!

All these women do is complain about their lives and their husbands. They do everything, they cook, they clean, they alone take care of the kids.

Ummm what's funny is their exaggeration really is our life isn't it folks!

It hit me some tonight when I was talking to brie and we were talking about how much our kids miss their dads and how much we "ask" of them (and how they were driving us crazy but that's not really crucial to this story). Small example, Dash-1 is so excited, he is bursting because when flyboy comes home he will be home for an entire week.

Awkard moment, flyboy isn't a 100% sure of his schedule so lets home that he can pull this one off.

I always wonder when I read these hating husband post, how much of it is that their lives really suck or how much is just the woe is me syndrome that we all fall into. Can I just say I want to post "Get over yourselves bitches" so bad. So bad.

But I'm not an idiot I know how that would go over.

I don't want to make it seem like I'm using the "my life is harder because of the military" card. I hate to make it seem like I think I have it worse then these women. That would make me no better then them. And the last thing I want is that! I have a great life, I'm blessed with my beautiful boys whom I get to raise, I have a wonderfully solid marriage, and I'm lucky to have a husband who would move heaven and earth for me.

And best of all, I realize that.

And like someone said in a comment a couple days ago, perspective is everything. These woman need to get some perspective.

Hmmm, this was supposed to be a much funnier post, it took a turn somewhere...


  1. Indiana girl was right! Perspective is something.

    Ohhh it's okay sometimes you gotta get down to business. I tried desperately to be serious tonight in the bloggie world, but I just can't do it! Lol

  2. Oh yeah. I'm so over message boards for the same reason. It's all moaning and groaning and negativity. What's up with that?!

    Honestly I think some people just thrive on complaining. It's like they don't even know what to contribute to a conversation if they can't "one up" someone in the "my life is harder than your life" game. I have a few "friends" here at this base that are that way. One of them just moved away and I'm sorry to say it was a relief to see her go. All that negativity really drags people down. Like a big gray rain cloud enveloping the entire room...Wouldn't we all just love to be known amongst our friends as "the big gray rain cloud"? Ugh. So sad.

    I'm with you though- what do you say? Not like any amount of discussion is going to change their attitudes. Boo-hooing is like a drug to some people :P

    Come be my neighbor! I'm all peaches and rose petals every day! (haha, not really but I fake it well!)

  3. You know, I was going to come comment about how some women are just dumb and sweet Mother of Baby Jesus...can't they just appreciate what we could kill to have??

    But really, would we kill to have that? I'd rather have my wonderful marriage and my precious husband, even if it means that he is gone and in danger, and there is a really real chance I will never see him again. It stinks, yes, but it sure as heck beats a marriage that is that acrimonious and disrespectful! Even if they do get to spend every day together and fall asleep in the same bed.

    It's all about perspective. At least we only have a situation to be discontent with...those poor women entire lives must be miserable!

  4. Ohhh those woman. See thats why I stopped going there and I was an admin. Its been a long day so I dont know how much I should comment. All I know is that if WaterBoy were home today my girls would have been in bed at 7 and I wouldnt have been called a Big Stupid Head (which was my breaking point). I dont need him to do a lot when he is home I know he works his butt of when he is gone and he gives up so much to support us and this wonderful country we live in.

    I think some women forget that their husbands get up at 7 am and get home at 7pm just so he can put food on the table. Its one thing if both spouses work then complain if your husband doesnt wash the dishes but for god sakes yes the job as SAHM is a hard one but with being a SAHM your also a home maker which means you do what you can to keep the house running.

    I wonder what that lady who complained about the chocolates got her husband for valentines day or how often she tells her husband how wonderful he is and how she appreciates everything he does.

    As for the Coast Guard it is Military just not DOD so dont start with me LOL.

    I'm so lucky we met I guess I joined that crappy site for a reason. Times like today I wonder why I moved away oh wait to be with my husband. I cant seem to find a friendship like we have. Now come visit me bc the girls miss their dashes.

  5. It seems that people who focus on the negative have a lot more negative in their lives than those who focus on the positive. Funny how that works. I've read some message boards similar to what you describe... life is what you make of it. I do meet a lot of people in person who always have something bad to say about their husbands. I want to ask why did you marry him if you are miserable with him?

  6. I hate complainers! We all have to complain from time to time or we would snap, but I can't stand people who complain allllll the time. If I ever call my husband an a hole for giving me chocolate, I give you full permission to slap me!

  7. I get what your saying, I see no reason for husband bashing. If the hubby and I are seeing differently we discuss it, I don't post it all over the internet. What is that solving?

    I had a really hard time getting along with the other military wives here because that is all they did...complain that their husbands were worthless and their lives were so horrible etc. I don't want to hear it, I'm sorry if your not happy with your life but I really love mine.

    I think its something else they can bitch about for attention, and personally I have better things to do than listen to them.

  8. Okay, just for YOU, I finally broke down and made an email address for my blog that wasn't my first and last name :)

    ourmidwestparadise at gmail dot com

    That way you don't have to follow up through comments, I know it drives ya crazy!

  9. I've heard so much of this before. My friend is on a scrapbooking site and they do the very same thing. They even got onto her for being happy her husband was coming home from war! She didn't play the military card. She just said she was happy about his homecoming. That started a whole bunch of husband bashing and then milspouse bashing. I couldn't believe it.

    I'll tell you, bad vibes are the real reason I've been gone lately. I think I do good in the bloggosphere. I don't say anything mean to people on purpose, and I never intentionally post things about other bloggers just to be a bitch. But I started to get really upset about what I was seeing around our community lately. I decided that it was time to take a break because it was making me so mad! I can't control others. But I CAN control myself. Maybe it's time you took a break from that community. Go find yourself some good vibes elsewhere.

  10. I've never joined a message board because all I've ever heard was how petty and negitive they were.

    Yeah, sometimes Stonewall pisses me off, but that's between him and me. I would feel disloyal bashing him on the internet. Don't these women have any pride in their husbands and marriages?

  11. Consider yourself lucky that you realize what you have. Many people do not, and as you mentioned, they fall into the "woe is me" category or enjoy playing the victim a little too much.

    I don't think it's terrible to acknowledge the fact that you are a military spouse either. I don't think it's a card that should be "played," but at the same time, you deal with everything that they do on top of having a husband being gone on and off.

    Good for you :)

  12. I agree with D.A.R 100 PERCENT! I'll definitely stick with my life thank you very much! And I also agree with this post, husband bashing is soooo disrespectful and I get really angry when I see it.

  13. I just think it's so sad when someone does that--it doesn't say much for the person doing the bashing either.

  14. Reading this made me think of a conversation I overheard yesterday between two of my movers. They were wife-bashing. I was horrified.

    I have when people stereotype and rip on their spouse, male or female. It just sickens me. Ew.

  15. I would like to also say "amen."

    It drives me nuts too, when I hear women complaining about their husbands.

    Um. I'd love to have a husband to fight with. But remember? I can't?

    They usually shut up after I tell them that.

  16. I finally started avoiding the spouse gatherings of my sweetie's group, because most of the wives talked so badly about their husbands. Whatever happened to the idea of a couple being a team, with a united front?

    Besides, if I'd made that bad a choice about whom I'd married, I certainly wouldn't be bragging about it.

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  19. I agree, I hate when people talk bad about their spouse - it doesn't make the spouse look bad it makes them look bad!

  20. Girl - I am SOOO with you! I hate husband bashing!! I posted once about a problem I was having and needed advice on how to deal with it, but then as soon as I hit "post"... it hit me that some would misconstrue it as husband-bashing, so I removed it. It really was just a "how should I spporach this" kind of post, but I wasn't prepared to get "You're not wrong, he is!" comments... so I nixed that.

    What is it with women? Did you marry the man because you love him? Or did you marry him becuase you got something out of it?

    I don't know... perspective IS everything, but I woudl really like to be the one to GIVE them some, sometimes. How about a good perspective of my backhand?!

    Whoa. Sorry... got a little worked up, there. My bad!

    And by the way - thanks for the advice about the "extend to deploy" possibility. McStudly decided against it, but it was all him.

  21. Thats probably why so many people divorce, if a women talks about her husband that way in a public forum then how does she treat him at home.
    I think the most important way to get the love and respect you want is to show your husband how much you respect and love him.

  22. I don't bash my husband in public. Not on my blog, not in any type of forum.

    But if I have to vent, I will call my friend in KS and she'll murmur the appropriate words and phrases, make me feel better, and then I see it in perspective. But I surely wouldn't do it in a public forum...

  23. I really, really wanted to address something I'd recently read in the blogsphere and decided the same thing, not to even try, because like you said, where would that end up?

    But it can be so depressing to think about how some people choose to live their lives.

  24. I've been thinking about leaving the one message board I still belong to myself... just too much DRAMA for me most of the time. I have to hold my tongue as well, while this military life does have it's downsides I am glad for the perspective.

    OH, but if I bash my dh too much, you can feel free to tell me!

  25. Awesome post! I understand completely. I too hate husband bashing with a passion (I think I blogged about it like a year ago).

    I think a lot of it is the - woe is me syndrome. But part of it is that some people are not appreciateive of what they have, and just like complaining. Shame on them.

  26. I find this happening in my every day life. And IDK if it's because I don't have the man around that makes me appreciate him more or what but sometimes to hear these women really makes me sad. But then I take 5 steps back and realize that just aren't as fortunate to have what I have and appreciate it like I do!

    Chocolates on Valentine's Day?? A Gift after the first few years??? That's impressive in my book! LOL


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