Wednesday, May 21, 2008

the gory details

Here it is a rather long winded run down of the other night. I tried to stream line it but I just cant. I am incapable of getting to the point quickly.

First I should say as a matter of survival for my sanity when flyboy is away and so that we can have some much needed alone time when he is here, we are kinda rigid parents about bedtime.

Bedtime in our house is sacred.

Seriously, something big has to be going on to keep my kids up and folks sometimes even daddy coming home after a few months away isn't big enough. At least for our kids, they thrive on schedule and routine. And sleep. So they go to bed early. Look when mama is here alone for days, weeks, months on end, 7:15 cant come soon enough some days.

That being said, my frienemey or as she shall go by "the wife" wanted us to come over to a get together at 5:30. Originally I thought it to be just a get together for the guys, but she figured it would just be great to get the kids together. During dinner time. Yeah, right. You'll understand why she's so clueless in a second.

So I begrudgingly drag myself and the kids, although I smartly feed them in the car on the drive over.

I thought I was going to have a panic attack on the way over. This woman gets under my skin.

I had all sorts of things going thru my head, she makes no secret in her emails that since her husband has gotten out he's just making "tons and tons" of money, but I was also worried that she would be like 120 pounds or something and then gloat about that all night too. I told flyboy that I would hide in the car and he could go in first, should she be a skinny model to call me and I would just drive on.

We got in the house and I didn't recognize her. I was so shocked I was hoping that my face wasn't registering it. Again, Lord excuse me for saying this but she did bring it on in her attitude towards me.... my goodness she has gained at least fifty- sixty pounds.

I on the other hand am about twenty pounds lighter then I was before I had children, thank you Lord for throwing me that bone.

We did the pleasantries but I didn't really have much to say to her. We live in two different worlds.

I am my kids mom. I am a stay at home mom and I am very proud of that.

My boys were in awe of a giant fish tank that my husbands coworker had in his living room. I made a comment about how sorry I was that they were getting finger prints on it. They were very nice about it, I made a little joke about how its so hard to clean up after them because they are just little mess tornadoes who follow behind you.

"The wife" looks at me and says, "Oh I know, the house is a mess the day after the maid comes.". Oh you have a maid, good for you, I'm sure she was thrilled to have a reason to work that one into the conversation.

Later we were talking about how one couple would be PCS'ing soon and would they live in housing or buy. So of course "the wife" hijacked the conversation to tell us all that her taxes right now were $3200 a year but since they would be moving to a very exclusive neighborhood in Austin in July (because the three bedroom house isnt big enough for their three person family) to a MUCH larger home where their taxes will be a whopping 12k a year.

Meanwhile you have to remember that they are the only civilians in the room, everyone else, is getting really underpaid.

Lets see what other comments..... oh she has a nanny. Of course she does.

She has a nanny and a maid because she owns a stationary store and its very stressful. I hear stationary is right up there next to neurosurgery in complexity. I told her that my only hope of getting a nanny was if my 24 year old brother became unemployed. Fingers crossed folks....

Her and I did go head to head on something though.

She can make comments up the wazoo about me and my husband, I don't like it but I'm a wimp but my kids. I will come after you.

I was talking to another wife about how I just signed dash-1 up for nursery school in the fall and I couldn't believe it was that time already. "The wife" balked at me so loud, "You mean he's not in school yet?".

He turned three in feb, the cut off is in December up here so no, no hes not in school. I calmly explained that to her, that he was starting in a nursery program as soon as he could. She said very snotty oh well her kid (who is two months younger) was in a two year old program, but that must be, and I kid you not she used the term again, because it was a "very exclusive private school".

I explained that dash-1 would be in a private school program as well (hey technically its a private school, its in a church basement but why nit pick?) and then preK there and then off to kindergarten.

She scoffed when I said he would be going to public schools. I finally had enough and I said very sweetly, "Its funny that you think its so strange that he's not in a two year old program, I mean I did give birth to him, why not actually spend the time raising him.".

That shut her up for five whole minutes.

The kids started to get really antsy about 7:15, no wonder, it was their bedtime. I tried to start making an exit and she freaked about my kids bedtime.

How could I put them down so early, bedtime routines don't work, her kid doesn't go to bed till 9:30, her husband takes care of him in the evening anyways so she doesn't care when he goes to bed, he just quietly watches tv with them so she doesn't really care, isn't 7:15 early for a three year old... blah blah.... I put my kids to bed early for the reason I said before.

I love my kids dearly but I love them more when I have some quiet time at night!

She tried to say that they don't put him to bed early because they eat late, I said that I make sure dinner is ready between 5:30 and 6. Oh well her husband doesn't get home till six. I told her that on nights like that, and there are a lot of them, dinner is ready and we are sitting in our seats waiting for him (I left out that if looks could kill he'd be limping into work the next day) her reply, "Well I own my own business I don't have to cook."

I couldn't pass that one up, my reply, "I do too, its a family enterprise.".

She seems to forget the life we lead.

My husband isn't home every night to help out.

I don't live down the street from my family, there isn't tons of support up here for me.

I am doing it on my own with two little ones. Get off my back.

Then she made the comment that her husband flew out here a few days before her and she had her son and the two dogs on her own and she was just exhausted and so stressed. Well I mean she did have the nanny and the maid, but other then that on her own.

Every wife in that room looked like they were about to lunge at her. I thought her husband was going to crawl under a rock.

There is a lot I'm leaving out, this is already long enough. Oh wait just a few more things I noticed that evening. Her child is out of control.

At one point he climbed onto the couch and started jumping up and down throwing the pillows all over. I am so proud that my son looked at me with a look on his face as if to say, oh no mom do you see what that kid is doing?! And "the wife" didn't stop him.

And while all kids go at different speeds, my little one has been potty trained for six months, hers is two months younger I'll give him that, but hes also still in diapers. Score one for the poor stay at home mom.

You know what I really think.... she needs to pay that nanny more.


  1. Wow, you had quite a time. Love the "I mean I did give birth to him, why not actually spend the time raising him" comment. :)

  2. I'm sorry I coudnt finish reading your entry the maid was knocking and the Nanny had trouble finding my sons silver spoon. Please be careful not to trip over that plie of money on your way out. ;)

  3. My mouth gaped as I read this. We have a set of "those" people on our list of peeps we know. The wife used to be the only one who made my skin crawl, but I digress....

    One of the saddest parts of your story, and the one I felt sorry for the most, aside from those who were subjected to her asshatness, was her husband when you said he looked like he was going to crawl under a rock. You had to deal with her for a few hours, he has the blessing of living with her always. I'm curious about him, though...he is like her or is he more quiet and not as mouthy?

    Sounds like you did just fine and I'm thinking that your trip to hell needs to be postponed for something MUCH larger than this. Kudos on tact, sister. Snark and quips go a long way, especially if it has a June Cleaver grin attached. Sadly, those to whom they are directed usually don't realize you are talking to them about them because they are so self-absorbed that it soars over their heads and loops back up under the feet and they remain clueless.

  4. Found your site through SidLovely's :) And man, that woman sounds like a treasure and a half. What a lame-o! I'm sure you're doing a great job as a SAHM. :)

  5. You need to cut the ties with this woman. No matter what you do or say, she'll always see herself as better than you. You could be making money, working, have your own business, have a maid, nanny AND butler, but she'll always be better. She HAS to put herself in front of people..she has to SELL herself...and you've unfortunately been buying into it.

    The next time she calls, I'd politely tell her, "I'm sorry, our lives are SO much different, I just have nothing in common with you and would rather not spend several very uncomfortable hours with you while you flaunt what you consider to be important. I have all I need here in my life: my kids, my husband, my family. When you finally "get it" and get off your high horse, give me a call, maybe *I* can teach you how to love your kids more than you love your money."

    And hang up the phone...don't answer when her number comes up on caller ID, don't listen to the messages. If her husband and yours want to socialize, they can do it without you.

    BTW - we are bedtime nazis too. My kids have been sleeping through the night since 9 weeks old, and I am a firm believer that consistent bedtimes are important for EVERYONE'S sanity!

  6. Well isn't she precious? I just feel bad for her poor kid....

  7. Bwahahaha! I just love you!

    That woman clearly has very low self esteem. Otherwise she wouldn't have to constantly one-up everyone she comes into contact with. Too bad all that money hasn't provided her any happiness. Happy people don't act like that.

    BTW- my boys go to bed between 7 and 7:30 every night too.

  8. You are doing everything right...and she's doing everything right to make sure those kids will be obnoxious, whiny brats. She'll need all that $$$ to take them to therapy for their anger management issues.

  9. Wow, what a piece of work!

    My kids go to bed at 8:00 every night. They always have. If we go somewhere with them and they need to stay up later, they are ok though!

    Please excuse me while I go finish my own laundry, now!

  10. She must be so miserable. Not that it is an excuse for how she makes everyone else feel, but wow. Anyone that awful has to have some serious insecurity issues.

  11. Sounds like an exciting evening. Grrrr! She sounds like a sad person.

  12. Sounds like a "lovely" evening...great blog fodder!

    We do "early" bedtimes..of course, with some getting older, we have extended their bed time, but bedtime is normally 8:00 pm and EVERYONE (including mom and dad) naps on Sunday afternoon!

  13. Well, snap, girl! You did awesome. Way to go on not backing down! Sounds like you left with your self-eteem in tack.

    Perhaps she won't be so quick with her little retorts next time... Should there be a next time. One can always hope...

  14. Um. Bedtime routines don't work? This clearly is the idea of a delusional woman who spends NO TIME with her child. I mean, I have no problems with mothers who work and/or have nannies. But I will call them out on parenting advice when, as in her case, she doesn't actively participate in caring for her child in the time that she DOES have with him.

    The fact that you didn't punch her in the face and run screaming from that house proves you are a much better person than she is. And me, too, frankly, cause I probably would have decked her when she wanted to know why a three year old isn't in school. Maybe because he's only THREE? And I have news for her, where I live, non-potty trained kids do not go to school, exclusive or no. They go to daycare instead, but I bet that doesn't sound as fancy.

  15. Ohhh so THIS is the woman you were referring to in your comment last month. I totally sympathize with you. You were much nicer than I would have been. If my "frienemy" had said any of the things I listed to my face, I am not above direct nasty comments and a mild threat.

  16. You handled that way better then I would've. My jersey-ness would've come out and I prolly would've slapped her.. OK not really,lol.
    Good for you defending yourself and not taking any of her crap. She's one of those people who needs to put down others to make herself feel better.

    Punkin goes to bed between 730 and 8pm cuz I need my mommy quiet time too.


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