Wednesday, June 2, 2010

I'm curious a question about Mr & Mrs

Actually I'm curious about a lotta things. I'm kinda know for just randomly throwing out my curiosities in the middle of either an unrelated conversation or just out of the blue during silence.

So much so that my husband has developed his own response to me. He yells out "Barcalounger!" that's his way of telling me I'm coming out of left field. Little does he know that no matter how many times he yells "Barcalounger!" I'll always ask about my random curiosities.

Now all that aside, I have a question that you folks are the perfect folks to ask. Short of asking random strangers at the PX where else do I have such access to mil-spouses?

How do you prefer your mail to be addressed?

Not to you specifically but to you and your lovey as a couple. Do you just go for the usual Mr. & Mrs. so and so or do you prefer the rank, Capt. & Mrs. or SSgt. & Mrs.?

Here's what brings this on in case your curious.... {because sometimes flyboy likes me to retrace what brought on said random question} we recently received a wedding invitation from a guy who used to work for flyboy. I was a bit surprised, him knowing flyboy in the professional capacity that the invitation was addressed to Mr & Mrs. rather then with his rank.

Here is my take on this, when I'm sending mail to someone whom I know is retired or still in {and I'm certain of their rank} I send it with the rank.

I don't know why, I really don't. I blame my grandmother. My uncle is a retired full bird in the Marine Corps and she always stressed that it was more proper to send things to them as {whatever his rank was at the time} & Mrs. and well, it's stuck.

My aunt {the one I just mentioned} is a classy lady and when she sends us mail she does the same. Shoot when she sends mail to the boys she addresses it Master Dash whatever. Well she uses their names. But nothing is as cute as a 9 mth old getting mail as a Master. So I'm thinking if she does it then I've got to be on the right track.... of course maybe she does it to our mail because I do it to her mail.....

I think I'm rambling again.

Anyways I asked flyboy his take on it and he said he actually prefers Mr. & Mrs. I thought he would like the recognition of his rank, again in my thinking, he's worked damn hard for it and much as he doesn't always like to think so it is part of who he is. But he likes to fly under the radar and having his rank on his mail doesn't fit the bill.

And just to go on clear it up, I don't need his rank on my mail, for that I settle for Mrs.

What do you think? How do you prefer your mail?


  1. We prefer no rank or title. 'The Lastname' is what we go for. Paul prefers Mr. when there is a title involved because he views himself as a guy who is in the Army but won't be Army all his life.

    Also we do the same when sending mail. 'The Lastname.' It includes kids or odd family members living there that way.

  2. Also, blogging is also how I peak into other people's lives and see how they do things. So I totally understand random questions like this. I'll answer nearly every one!

  3. We prefer rank be used....the old Army way. It is a proper title, just like when you address an envelope to a Doctor or Judge.

  4. We go by: First Name & First Name Last Name. We don't do the Mr. & Mrs. or his professional title (rank/rate/etc.) or mine (civilian position). We keep it simple, and don't mind when others do too. Friends and family address mail to us using First Name & First Name Last Name too.
    I love random questions, they make me wonder the same.

  5. We prefer no rank. Just plain old Mr. and Mrs. our names. And it's much simpler now that we have the same last name! I think both Chris and I would be amused if we got something addressed to Petty Officer and Mrs. Lastname... it just seems very formal, and we are not formal people. Not at all. Now that might be different if he were an admiral, but we'll cross that bridge when we get there... ;)

  6. It depends on what it is. Random things (like cards and such) are fine with Mr & Mrs or the Us Family for Christmas cards.

    If it was something formal like a wedding invitation, I would expect it to have his rank ESPECIALLY if it was someone from his work or it was a military wedding.

    That being said, there is nothing that melts my heart like seeing a card for one of the boys that's addressed to "Master The Bear".

  7. I am not married or in the military but I think it is so cool that of the 4 people who responded so far, each have different preferences. I've never even thought about it, so I definitely appreciate the random thought!

  8. It depends on the situation. Any formal invitation, especially if its from a military family or to a military event we expect rank to be used. However, I've gotten thank you notes and casual cards from friends with rank and thought it was oddly formal for what they were sending. Many of our baby gifts came with rank on them and I just felt it was unnecessarily formal. For informal things I like (his name and her name + last name) or The (last name)'s. You get the picture.

  9. I truly don't have a preference. However, my grandma and grandpa (Navy) ALWAYS address our mail with rank! And if it is only for me it STILL has rank, Mrs. Ssgt. blah. I find it humorous and I like it. :)

  10. I'm gonna side with your husband on the flying under the radar thing. Actually, I think it would just look odd for us if they went by ranks.

    Instead of Mr. & Mrs. it would be SPC and CPL Us, and I don't think my husband likes being reminded that I outrank him.

    Good question though! I call it my stream of consciousness when I throw out random (well to everyone around me) questions.

  11. I don't really have a preference either. I like "His First Name and Her First Name Last Name", "The Last Names", "Mr and Mrs". But whenever we get mail from Jon's dad or our alma mater it's always rank. It's nice to see. I'm proud of my husband! I think he prefers "Mr", however.

  12. I prefer first name last name. But for something like a wedding invitation I think it should include rank but that is just how I was taught. For mail to me I don't like having Mrs. on there but I am getting more used to it so it bothers me less than it did before. I used to hate being called ma'am (by people who work with my husband who are obviously younger than me) but now I don't mind so much because I have just gotten used to it. I had a friend who made her son call me and my husband Mr and Mrs and I HATED it!!!! If I know you then use my first name!

  13. I gotta go wtih the rank, especially from someone who knows what that is. It's a courtesy to a man who has done a lot to deserve it. It's like calling a Doctor Mr. so and so... it's not quite right.
    If it's addressed just to me, first and last name is fine or Mrs. so and so, and leave him out.

  14. Hmm, we're trying to plan our wedding and I'm debating this myself. Do I put his rank? I want to put rank but I don't know yet. I still have to talk w/ Steve about it, but nooo he's in the field right now, boo! :) Very good post!

    -MeganWrites1 (on Twitter)

  15. My aunt recently asked for my husband's rank so she could properly address our letters. Until that point, I had never given it a second thought! I'm just so happy to get any mail that I don't care how it's addressed!

  16. I honestly had never thought about it. All of our mail has come with the very informal address. If I really think about it, I agree that if it is a formal invite or letter, etc. or to some military event, it should include rank. I could understand civilians not following that as much as fellow military, but I do think it would be the proper way to do it.

    That being said, I can completely understand flyboy wanting to fly under the radar. When Scott was in (hell, even now) he just kind of brushed off any attention that was given to the fact that he was a soldier. I don't think he really knew how to react to it. So, for our mail, I think we just prefer Mr. and Mrs. First Name Last Name or both our first names and the last name.

  17. For formal correspondence, I enjoy seeing my husband's rank -- but only if it's spelled correctly. I certainly won't slap a "Return to Sender" on an envelope with Mr. and Mrs., however. For informal notes, being addressed by our first names and surname suits us just fine.

  18. That is funny, because I almost forgot, that my grandfather used to address letters to my brother as "Master Brian". Never really thought about it before!

    I am sure my husband and I prefer Mr. and Mrs. The military rank is sort of like a job title, I guess?? It's not really 'who you are'. You're definitely a Mr. or a Mrs., but you won't forever be a MSgt.

  19. Oh and also, I think rank only applies in military situations. Would you go to the bank and when they ask your name would you say "Sergeant so and so?" The teller wouldn't know what you meant. If it is the military sending you an invitation or writing your name in some paper, then of course use rank. But not in a normal, everyday situation.

  20. Normally in everyday situations, I'm not really bothered by the Mr&Mrs. However, in formal settings I'm old fashioned, so rank&Mrs it is!

  21. I was told that if you are just doing a civilian wedding and would prefer your guests to come in civilian attire, you address it as "Mr and Mrs". However, if it is military and you are inviting your military guests to come in uniform, then it is addresses with their rank.

  22. I really don't care...I have a friend who sends Christmas cards using rank and Mrs. and Master, and it is kinda neato to see it, but in all honesty, I don't care!

    However, it made me think...and year (if I can get my monster of a dissertation done) it will be SFC Jeff and Dr. Jen. Interesting....

  23. I'm a proper, do it the traditional way kinda girl, so I think I would prefer rank.

    That being said, we are the only military IN our family and being new to the service, only have civilian life friends - so i don't think i'd ever get mail addressed properly because i know most people don't bother to find out. which is fine, but it'd be darn cool if it was addressed properly:)

    That apart, after that, i prefer "Mr. and Mrs. Last Name." I like formal :) of course, i don't not open it or complain or something if its addressed differently!

    I also love sending mail to friends' kids or younger cousins with a "Miss" or "Master" - its so fun to get mail when you're young and how fancy and grown up do you feel with a "title" in front of your name?

    of course, i'm also the person who doesn't like it when adults tell their children to call me by my first name (ESP without asking me!) - it doesn't necessarily have to be "Mrs. Lastname"; Miss First Name is mostly fine, but I am not a peer to this small one, I am an adult, and I think kids need to learn respect for their elders :-p

    ok, done with my soapbox now! Good question!

  24. Well, boo. I just typed out my answer and it didn't go through. Short answer ... I don't really have a preference. I've seen a number of combinations on wedding invites from fellow military members since both DH and I are AD. His boat usually sends official correspondance to LT and Mrs.

    Great question (hopefully my response goes through this time).

  25. My husband actually prefers for mail to be addressed as Mr. and Mrs. He actually wanted that for the wedding, but our priest said "[Rank] and Mrs." and we shrugged it off. He still has family members addressing him as "[Rank] lastname"... I don't think it matters one way or the other for us, but we'll always send mail from "Mr. and Mrs." lastname

  26. From friends we usually just go with the last name, no Mr. or Mrs. involved.

    Having just gotten married and having to research proper wedding invitation diction here's what I would say about the invitation you just received.

    1) If it is a military wedding you are to address other military guests by rank
    2) If the groom will be wearing his uniform and would like to be the only one in uniform at the wedding, he will not address other military guests by rank
    3) If it is a civilian wedding they will undoubtedly address the invitation solely by Mr. & Mrs. no matter if you are in the military or not

  27. Honestly, I have never really thought about it. I have noticed that our family that have been in the military put David's rank on there and I always feel special when I see that. Not that he is high ranking or anything. But the majority of our mail is addressed normal. Heck, we mainly get junk mail!

  28. If it is a formal invitation then we don't mind the rank and Mrs. thing. However, it really really bugs us when our family (aka my Gran) addresses us solely by my husbands rank. She mainly does it just because she likes to have people ask her about my husband or my father.
    So you can say we prefer the Mr. and Mrs. or heck just writing out our first and last names works too.

  29. How funny. I haven't even thought about this. I guess it really doesn't matter, but I would think if it was a formal military thing, the rank would be included. If we're just talking a casual birthday invitation, SoldierMan and JG is fine.

  30. If its just regular mail from family the Robertsons works just fine. For both of us.

    But a Wedding Invitation!?! It had better have his rank on it. Its proper and respectful. If its a formal wedding its supposed to be addressed formally anyway. Full names, full titles.

    My mom abbreviated ALL of my wedding invitations, in ball point pen. After I spent day HAND WRITING them in gold lettering. I almost died. Then I shrugged and ignored it. So I guess everyone is different. my husband is positively indifferent.

  31. My husband's rank is CW3...his title at work is Mr. So it is proper for our invitations to be addressed to Mr. & Mrs.

    He's working on his doctorate right now. He claims that when he graduates and get his "doctor" title, he will insist on being referred to as Dr. M...EVEN if he is in the Army still. I told him that would fly about as well as a ton of bricks...

    Me? If I know the person in a professional capacity, I'll address the invitation as RANK and & Mrs., (or Mr. & RANK). If I don't whether the person has a professional title (rank or otherwise) I'll take the perfectly acceptable Mr. & Mrs. If I'm told at a later date that there was a professional title associated with the person, I'll apologize and let them know I wasn't aware.

  32. We always do the rank if we know it. And my Mom is really funny, she sends so much stuff (literally a single comic sometimes), that she prints out sheets of address labels, and it's always TSgt and Mrs. In fact, when he made rank, she was so worried, becuase she had just printed out a whole new page. She relaxed when I told her it would take about a year for him to pin on and become official. About the Master Dash, my Godmother was a full bird in the Marine Corps. She alwasy did Master Benjamin for my little brother, and until the day she died, we addressed everything "Col. Val....", but the letter inside would be Dear Tootie (our nickname for her).

  33. This is what I've been taught for formal mail:
    - If the service member is enlisted (or retired) you can use their rank OR Mr./Mrs.

    SSgt and Mrs. Joe Fishcake OR Mr. and Mrs. Joe Fishcake

    - If the service member is commissioned (or retired) you are supposed to use their rank

    LtCol and Mrs. Joe Fishcake

    For informal mail:
    - You should use the same rules unless you are just using first and last names

    Joe and Sally Fishcake

    The other tricky part is that each service abbreviates their ranks differently!!! Ahhhh!! it's too much!!! :-)

  34. Mr. & Mrs. is fine with us in most cases, but a wedding invitation is supposed to be especially formal. I'd be surprised to see it NOT include the rank...Although, now that I think about it, we just got one awhile back for a wedding in May that was only addressed Mr. & Mrs.- but it was from a civilian couple that have no military background or any other military friends. I'd be willing to bet they don't even now J's rank or how you'd abbreviate it. Maybe the same was true in your situation?

    J's Dad sends the boys birthday cards and such addressed "Master". It always makes me smile.

  35. I always thought it would be cool to get mail as "Rank & Mrs." but hubby does not like it that way. He actually gets uncomfortable when my parents brag about him. He has mentioned he doesn't like it when people insinuate that that's his only identity. That of course is not what people (specifically my parents) are doing, they're just proud of him.
    So mail always comes to us as Mr & Mrs or "First name & First Name Last Name"

  36. I prefer Mr and Mrs and I know my hubby feels the same way. He's very quiet that way.
    The only one who uses his rank when mailing things to us is his Mother. We both don't enjoy this at all. I have no idea why she does it. I guess it makes her feel proud of him or something silly like that. Whatever. We know his rank and don't need it plastered on a B-day card. Yikes!

    Have a blessed Sunday. ~Melissa :)

  37. Like many have said, it kind of depends on the situation, but I prefer Sgt. and Mrs. One of the guards at the gate here always says Welcome, Sgt. and Mrs. Lastname. It always makes me grin.


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