Friday, February 20, 2009

What I wish I could really say

Sometimes I just wish I could say no don't go, I need you here.

Flyboy left again. It's not a long trip, just around a week I think, it's just that I'm under the weather and feeling in less then tip top shape. He kept asking if I wanted him to not go, but I know how that works. He was kinda asking in the way you ask someone if they want your last cookie when really you have no intentions of them actually accepting it.

Not only had he said that he wanted to go on this trip, and I certainly don't blame him, who wouldn't want to get away from this germ infested place, cold blah weather, to go somewhere tropical and warm. But its his job, its his job to go get on a plane and fly, whether I like it or not, whether it fits into my schedule or not.

The truth is I wanted to ask him to stay. Scratch that I wanted to yell at him, "Of course I don't want you to go, I've been dealing with sick kids and sick myself for two weeks! I want you to be here over the weekend with to help out." I'm no medical doctor but I'm going to go out on a limb and say perhaps I'm a giant germ right now because I'm pregnant and exhausted. I'm worn down and I don't know how to tell him that.

Being home with the kids day after day, all by yourself is hard. Add germs and its just a recipe for a meltdown.

But its not that easy to ask him to stay. I feel like then I'm intruding on his job. And I don't want to be that wife. The wife in the squadron who has "issues" and every guy there knows that she is a pain and the reason that her husband doesn't pull his weight. I don't want to be that wife. Yikes, I hope I'm already not that wife.

22 comments:

  1. I know no one wants to be that wife, but darn it sometimes it is SOO tempting!!! I hope you are feeling better soon!

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  2. I am confident you'll never be that wife.

    Hope you feel better soon -- do you know anyone who can take the kids for a bit so you can enjoy some real recuperation? Or even just an hour of silence?

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  3. You are not that wife! There is just no way!

    I too live in fear of being that wife. So I understand your concern.

    I hope you (and the Dashes!) are feeling better soon!!!

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  4. wow. your hubby actually has the Option to not go?!?!?! i dont think it would be wrong to ask him to stay...when i first got pregnant i had "morning" sickness for the first 3 months. if it wasnt for my hubby i dont know what i would have done. Don't try to play supermom/wife.everyone needs helps sometimes.You've got a little baby growing and thats wayyy important that your taking care of yourself in order to take care of him/her.Also, husbands are not mind readers( not matter how much we think they "should just know") Tell him how your feeling in plain( simple) english.lol. hang in there and feel better! :)

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  5. Gosh I don't ever want to be that wife! Thanks for the heads up.

    I know it can be hard, being super mom/wife. I give you a ton of props on doing what you do. I really hope you start to feel better.

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  6. I should clarify he doesn't really have the option not to go on trips. But every now and again a swap can be made.

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  7. WHY is it SO HARD to tell the man we love what we really feel/think? You'd think it should be the easiest thing - they should be the easiest person in the world to be open with about this stuff, but that's SO not true!

    UGH... being a woman is TOUGH!

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  8. I'm with ya! If only our husbands could hear the screams in our heads of wanting them to stay or in our case not wanting to stay behind without him. Our lives are hard but we get through them, one way or another.
    I hope that you at least get over being sick soon.

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  9. I know that wife. You are SOOOO not that wife. I hope that the germs evacuate the house soon!

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  10. I know what you mean about wanting to be able to say please stay sometimes! I get that way every now and again. Like right now actually. I am just 2 days over 3 weeks away from my due date and GQ leaves on Monday for at least 2 weeks I think - It would be longer if not for the baby. At the same time - I could go into labor at any point now. I am very nervous about him leaving, but I can't let my self tell him "no". I do know that if I go into labor, they will fly him home, but he could still miss it. I know how you feel, The Mrs.! I will say that we are not sick right now, so I have that going for me! I hope you feel better soon!!!

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  11. You are so far from that wife, you can't even TOUCH that phrase....you have a LOT on your plate right now. Sickness is never planned (and most pregnancies aren't either, lol). But you've more than pulled your weight, and your hubby is well aware of that, or he wouldn't even have broached the subject. Don't be afraid to ask sometimes. Not EVERY time...but some times. This would have been a good time.

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  12. and ha ha ha! You were commenting on my blog, as I was commenting on yours!

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  13. I don't think you have it in you to ever be that wife. You handle so much crap (in all senses of the word) on a daily basis. You more than pull your weight. But, you are pregnant and sick and dealing with 2 sick (off and on) kids. Sometimes a little extra help is needed. I understand not being able to say what you really want and I know I would have done the same thing.

    But don't beat yourself up about wanting to have said it. That is so normal! Hang in there! This too shall pass!

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  14. I'm going to go out on a limb and say that if you didn't beg him, even hint at him, that you wanted him to stay home after all the germiness going on there lately, that you are definitely, not, that wife.

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  15. I agree that I don't think you have it in you to be that wife. If he does have any choices for his next couple of trips, ask him to talk to you about them. See if there's a way he could pick some shorter trips or space them out in such a way that he's still pulling his weight--both with the squadron AND at home? Is there such an option? I dunno, DH doesn't usually have a choice when he goes, so I dunno. And...I was that wife one time. I forced them to pull DH off a deployment that was scheduled, and if I hadn't, I'd probably be dead now. So, sometimes you do need to force them to help you out.

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  16. Oh, I'm so sorry you've (all) been feeling yucky! Next time I'm planning a trip to CT to visit my sis-in-law I'll email you to plan a little get together!

    I promise not to bring germs!

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  17. I often pretend that I'm fine when my husband leaves but I'm harboring resentment which comes out in random things. Being short and inpatient on the phone or cold - I know it's wrong but sometimes we really do carry a lot of weight on our shoulders!
    :)

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  18. YOU are NOT *that* wife.

    you are just tired, and --seriously-- God made husbands and wives so that they would need each other, so that they would depend on each other. and when flyboy is gone, you're missing a huge piece of something you NEED. it takes two to raise a healthy family. you're pulling double your own weight when you're alone, and PLUS you have a wittle bitty baby you're busy growing.

    that's amazing.

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  19. Your definitely not that wife...I know this because you realize he has a job to do and even though you don't want him to go, you know you have too.

    Hope things get a little better...I'll be thinking of you all!

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  20. I completely understand. I never want to be "that wife" either. I try to never call my husband at work, unless it's a real emergency.

    And for the record, I don't think you are "that wife" :)

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  21. uhm i am not sick, haven't had two sick kids (just one) and not preggers and i am 100% sure i would have laid down at the door and not let him go.

    i've said it before and i will say it again - i don't know how you do it.

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  22. You're tough! The fact that you're concerned about it definitely means that you're not "that wife!" I totally respect you and other SAHMs...it's a tough job!

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