Sunday, February 22, 2009

life with children

As with almost every area of life with children my showers are drastically different. I was thinking about this when Lala wrote a post about how she yearns for a good 40 minutes shower but due to their new place 15 seems to be all she can squeak out.

Before we had kids showers were uneventful, get in, relax, sing a little, lather, rinse, repeat. Just enjoy the time to think.

Now... not so much.

Just the act of getting in the shower requires dash-1 and 2 to be kinda sorta distracted with something else. I get them some juice, a little snack, put on a cartoon, and hope for the best. Showering with the door closed? Oh please those days are gooooone. First if you close the door they bang on it. A lot. And our door sticks so that means that should there be an emergency the little ones wouldn't be able to get in. And by emergency I mean having to pee as well as someone bleeding.

So take today for instance, it was pretty typical of a morning shower. Get in stand under the hot water and enjoy peace and quiet in a room all alone. As I'm shaving dash-2 comes in and proceeds to toss all his bath animals into the tub. I try to toss them out, we go back and forth until he loses interest. I figure what the hell, flyboy is away, one shaved leg is good enough.

As I shampoo dash-1 has settled in the bathroom for a lively discussion of how he saw Saturn out his window last night. I try to explain it was most likely the neighbors yard lamp. He refuses this claim, gets nasty and storms out of the bathroom.

I return back under the water and wonder if I ever have to come out or if I could just live in my shower ala Kramer in that classic Seinfield episode.

Dash-1 starts flushing the toilet. A lot. This doesn't affect the water temperature but I'm starting to wonder why its being done. He claims he's catching bugs. Now granted we do have ladybugs around here but I doubt he's just caught ten in 2 minutes. I stick my head out of the shower and tell him to walk away from the toilet.

Dash-2 tosses an elephant back in the shower. I've given up and he can shower with me. The elephant not dash-2.

I've decided that I should get out at some point and face them. As I'm grabbing my towel the light goes off, apparently the light is bothering dash-1 so he's taken to turning off the bathroom light. And begins an immediate pleading for all the other lights to be turned off. I asked if he had a headache, no apparently the light is just hurting his beautiful eyes. His words. Not mine. I turn off the lights but refuse to turn off the one in my room. This does not go over well but I remember that I'm the mom. "Don't like it, don't come in, its my room, I pay the bills."

I'm reminded that actually daddy pays the bills. I remind him that I gave him life. We leave it there.

And that my friends is what showering in a house with more small children then adults is like. See now your all gonna run out and have a couple aren't you?

23 comments:

  1. It's a conspiracy, isn't it? Because I NEVER heard stories like this before I got pregnant. Or I didn't pay attention. Same thing?

    Eh. I just think misery loves company and that is why I did not learn about things like breaking capilaries in your face during labor and showers with small children until.

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  2. Hahaha, oh man, I love my long showers. Although I have two dogs who constantly stick their head through the curtain and try and lick up all the water....

    Something tells me kids are worse :)

    Cute story!

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  3. Yup, that's about right. Usually I have Nathan actually stepping into the shower with me (sometimes fully clothed) or the 2 boys are fighting and screaming and crying, running into the bathroom to tattle all about it. Or the baby is crying her bloody head off the entire time :P

    I've given up for the most part and just don't shower until like, 9 at night now.

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  4. Oh man! Like Courtney the dogs peak their heads in and sometimes even jump in! But I'm sure it'll be much different with kids!

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  5. thanks, you may now be in the lead for "scaring the kids out of Alex" race.

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  6. thanks, you may now be in the lead for "scaring the kids out of Alex" race.

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  7. I have an equal number adult to child ratio and still, it gets interesting! A couple weeks ago I was showering in a stand up shower and all of a sudden Fuzz was in with me, fully clothed.

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  8. My hubby and I thank you for this wonderful PSA. :)

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  9. Yeah, I too thought it was bad that my dogs poke their heads around in the shower- looks like I have nothing to complain about!

    Do they do the same thing to you while you're using the toilet too? Man, the many joys of being a mother. You should write a book of what REALLY to expect when you're expecting!

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  10. I just love your stories about the kiddies. They crack me up. After all is said and done, I know you MUST go to bed laughing most days. I also just appologized to my mom...when I was a kid I never gave her peace in the shower!

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  11. if i would have known that lovely thursday in october would have been my "last" shower - i would have stayed in all day.

    :)

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  12. Oh my...I remember those days. Keenan can now amuse himself for 30 minutes at least. Sometimes he'll come to the door and mumble something that I can't hear over the water so I tell him that he can tell me what's so important when I get out. By the time I get out, he's usually forgotten what it was :-)

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  13. Wyatt does the same thing with the lights. It drives me crazy. With him, though, it has less to do with his beautiful eyes than it does with some kind of weird monster game he and his dad started. When daddy's away, he wants Mama to play. Ugh, can I say I hate that game?

    I am lucky, though; I can manage to shower by myself in peace and quiet most days. I did fear for the baby's life, though, when I started trying it the first few times.

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  14. I love reading your stories about Dash-1 and -2...They give me something to look forward too someday, and a little reminder to take that little pill before I go to bed.

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  15. My youngest is almost 21, out of the house, and I still don't close the door....just haven't gotten used to it, I guess....and if I close the door, the husband starts looking for me

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  16. Sounds familiar. I miss long showers I really do. The scary thing is when you are in the shower and they all go quiet. Not only do you know your shower has come to an end but you know something really bad is ogign down

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  17. H aha - I seriusly felt like I was there! Oh wait... that's kind've weird.

    *taking it back*

    But it did make me kind've picture myself in your shoes with little kiddies throwing bath toys into the tub. OH way - my dog does that. Maybe that's why it all seemed so familiar??

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  18. I am going to savor every shower I get now, because one day Mark's desire to reproduce will win out. And then, apparently, I will never get a spare moment to shave my legs, no less put on makeup, ever again. Are you sure children don't come with cages? Ohh I joke. Sick sense of humor and all that.

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  19. you crack me up. my showers are always like that for going on 11years now!

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  20. I rarely take showers until they husband comes home for lunch. I am sure that he just loves it when I say "honey, I really really need a shower" and then dash off, leaving him to fend for himself when it comes to food.

    I usually have my son locking his sister into or out of one room or another every time I step in the shower. When I got done showering Friday morning, I found Abs in the closet in her room. She didn't seem to mind to much... Charlie at least shoved some toys in there with her to keep her busy, lol.

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  21. I'll definitely be a night shower person when I have kids. That means I'm going to need a wash and wear haircut then. Good-bye hair dryer!

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  22. I love it, but don't forget the warning. "Do not open any doors while I am in the shower, even if the doorbell rings."
    I am not sure that I know how to use a bathroom with the door closed.

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