Tuesday, September 28, 2010

A princess revolts

In case you've missed it in past post, I am a stay at home mom.  Flyboy flies airplanes and I do the baby raising, kid wrangling, butt wiping, juice pouring, drop off pick up from school, doctor visits, etc, etc.

In the interest of full disclosure I suppose I'm "lucky"  {trust me luck is in the eye of the beholder}that I married not just a Marine, but a clean freak Marine who enjoys steam cleaning the bathroom seat, mopping floors, detailing the car for 10 hours, and scrubbing down his shop vac. Yes ladies, he cleans his shop vac.

So in case you aren't familiar with how this stay at home mom thing works, despite thinking I should, I do not actually get a paycheck for my work.  Flyboy gets the paycheck.  It does however go into our joint accounts and from there I pay the bills and single handily keep Target afloat buying the various things that young kids and our family of five need.

And by the way, all of our accounts are joint.

All that I know of, I suppose flyboy could have some hidden accounts somewhere but what between flying, dealing with idiots{at work not home}, mopping, wrestling with the boyos, and cleaning his shop vac he doesn't have the time to set up hidden accounts.

Despite not having a paycheck, despite not earning my own money, despite "depending on a man to take care of me" princess is hardly the word that comes to mind.

Unless princess' get thrown up on while on the toilet like I did today.

Dash-2 ran in to the bathroom after rough housing with his brother to throw up his dinner {cheese, ham, and bananas in case your wondering} and ended up spewing right on my feet.



I was reading the magazine All You while sitting in the car waiting for dash-1 to get out of school this afternoon and they have a little thing about what your money style is.  The "princess" one caught my eye. It talked about letting someone support you and how it can be detrimental to your children to see you "entirely dependent on someone else" for your financial support.  Oh and how its an "unrealistic attitude in today's world".

I'm contemplating finding a local bra burning and tossing this magazine right on the pile. Since I'm a princess I have all day to google these sorts of things to find one.

What a load of cow poop.

And in case you aren't a princess living on a farm, a pile of cow poop is ginormous.  And steaming.  My kids think that's hilarious in the snow, but that's beside the point.

Here's a few points I take issue with, yes I am dependent on my husband financially.  Completely.  However, this was a decision that the two of us made.  Together.  And while I don't earn a paycheck I'm certainly not sitting around on my duff.  And even when I am sitting on my duff I run the risk of being vomited on.

Oh and today I got poop all over my arm.  And my leg.  And on my nose.  Don't ask.

Second bullshit point I take issue with: That I am somehow screwing up my children because they see me dependent on their father.

I think its a good thing actually.  They see what team work is really about, they get to see two people who believe in each other so much, who trust each other so totally that they are able to really lean on each other.  Flyboy needs me to get his job done, he might make jokes about my cleaning abilities but at the end of the day, I keep the house going and I keep the kids alive, no small feat mind you. 

I could earn my own money.  I have a degree, I did the whole higher education thing.  Is the single paycheck lifestyle hard sometimes? YES.  Do we give up some luxuries? YES.  But do we feel it's worth it?  YES.  Does that make me a princess?  Hardly.

Unless of course I can be the princess of poop and vomit.  There's a title I could really get behind.

Next time someone around here needs their butt wiped I'm ripping out that page of the magazine, using it and then sending it in with my thoughts written on it.  Show them how this princess really lives.

24 comments:

  1. Yikes, is that really what people think of stay at home motherhood these days? Then again, that is hardly surprising...

    I'm curious, though, what they think of people who take care of other people's kids for a living - is that somehow not very noble because of what they do? Or are they redeemed because they bring home a very tiny paycheck?

    Whatever. I guess there may be free-loaders out there, but most of the people I know staying home with their kids (both female AND male) do it out of love and not because they are losers who can't survive on their own.

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  2. About the vomit, first. AHHHHHHH!!!!

    That's really all there is to say about that. At least he didn't pop in the middle of the living room.

    That is a very interesting opinion by that magazine. Except, this princess, like you, manages money, time, resources to try to give my child the very best I can - my time. Paul and I think it is extremely important that our child be raised by a parent. There is nothing about being 'dependent' about it.

    Go teamwork!

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  3. I can't believe the magazine would say that!! And to think I used to read that magazine. I would love for them to come to my house and see my princess life is as well. I'm not sure that princesses don't get to sit down until 10 at night....for the first time today! Wow, sad that that's what the country thinks of us SAHMs. Oh well, at least we all have each other!

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  4. You have GOT to be kidding me! That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

    First, if anyone has ever been a stay at home mom or wife (like I am), they would KNOW that it's not easy. Sure, we don't go out and earn our paychecks but that doesn't mean we don't do anything all day! You know, I don't have a job because I can't find one. They may consider me a princess, but I most certainly don't feel like one. Do princesses do their own laundry, clean their own toilets? I don't think so.

    Second, I think we'd all be damaged by now if the life of a stay at home mom affected children in a negative way. It wasn't until around that 1940's that women in the workplace was COMMON! Pretty sure the world would already have gone to hell in a handbasket if that were true.

    Idiots.

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  5. I am so glad I waited until AFTER I ate my lunch to read this ;-) Oh, the joy of being a stay at home mom!

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  6. I LOVE THIS! If I'm a princess someone forgot to tell me.

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  7. I had to argue with my FIL this weekend about whether staying at home with Braden was a real job. He kept telling me I don't work. I'm sorry, but my day doesn't entirely end! I MIGHT get a shower by 9:30 and by then I'm wondering if I should get a head start on sleep since I still have to wake up at least once to feed the baby. On a good night. My day begins early, and its not easy to nurse a baby and make my husband's meals. That means I am the last one to eat if I remember to do so. Then he had the nerve to say I get to relax when the baby sleeps. Hardly. I do everything else around the house while the baby sleeps. If I were to get paid for this job we'd be a wealthy family.

    And my opinion on screwing up the kids... in the military family, there can be a lot of instability. Dad leaves and comes home a lot. we move a lot. That can be hard. But if your child sees mom as a constant, I think they will be more content. They know that even though we move and dad may sometimes have to leave, that the family unit is still alive and well and that mom can and will be there without a doubt.

    And god help me if this turns into a debate about whether women should stay home.

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  8. Um. I don't think of you as a princess. I didn't read the article, but I'm hoping that the article was really about those women who feel their husbands earn money to buy them pretty things, not to support the family. The kind who have nannies or housekeepers and look at time by themselves to get a manicure or something as a weekly right and not an occasional treat. I don't see how bringing them up in a happy, loving home is detrimental to their well being. Just because you aren't earning a paycheck right now doesn't mean that you won't decide to do something later on. And even if you don't, how does that make you a worse parent? I don't get it.

    But what do I know? I'm a princess just like you.

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  9. That's a pretty harsh criticism to put in print. Were they making the ASSumption that all stay at home moms were women desperate women who couldn't take care of themselves financially even if they wanted to? What a crazy backward view point. To go as far to say it would have a negative impact on the children just blows my mind.

    You know Mrs. Princess, you are actually a status symbol. I've read articles that say having a spouse choose to stay home for the family was kind of fancy. Oh boy, and don't let that spouse be educated.... double fancy. ;-)

    Really, I'm a proponent of whatever a family decides is in their own best interest and either way the parents can be great role models for their children. Good lord folks (as in writer of the article), stop the nit picking on each other. Different does not equal bad.

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  10. Wow...being a stay at home Mom really is a choice, and in the military sometimes the easiest one. Heck, I tried working and you just can't make enough money to make day care cost effective!

    I will never forget a group of my college friends telling me before I got married to make sure I keep all of our accounts separate just in case we got divorced. Umm..what!? That is super trusting of my future husband, and my ability to see this relationship through. I still get some snide remarks about how I got an MRS degree, especially since I went to an all woman's college and got married right after graduating. That really pisses me off. I just try to tell myself that those people really have no clue, and couldn't handle my lifestyle anyways.

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  11. Amen to that!!!! Sorry you got puked on :(

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  12. Well then, I'm a princess too!
    I just got my All You magazine but haven't seen that in it yet. I can't wait to read that.
    You and your husband are giving your boys a wonderful gift having you at home.
    I have done it both ways, and I love being a SAHM.
    I don't "earn" money right now, but I do help with our budget. I work hard to find good deals, clip coupons, cook at home so we don't have to do take out and do our own laundry and ironing so we don't spend at the cleaners.
    If I went to work, we would spend more because I would not have the time or energy to do those things.
    I don't depend on my husband. We depend on each other. I can make my own living but I choose to make a home.
    Everyone has an opinion and not all people are the same. It's what makes this country great :)

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  13. Okay, So just because you're a stay at home mom and dependent on your husband, you're now being a bad example for your kids?? Well, I'll say this. I admire couples who have joint accounts and can depend on eachother for different things. Yes it's nice to help eachother out with chores or finances (ie. both spouses having jobs) but if it works for your family, it works for your family. Both of my parents worked AND had seperate banking accounts, but my father was also a shit bag and is in the middle of a divorce with my mom because he cheated. So as a child growing up in that environment, I could tell you that if you don't trust your spouse to have joint banking accounts, then THAT could be detrimental to children because it shows them to not trust. So the husband working and wife being a stay at home isn't exactly going to be detrimental. My husband and I have joint banking accounts, I trust him entirely. I'm going to school full-time to get my higher education before the end of his contract incase he doesn't want to stay in the military so that I can work and support us while he goes to school. There's nothing easy about staying home to take care of your kids and there's nothing easy about working (if you had two jobs, depending on the hours, you might not even see your spouse much), and there's nothing easy about going to school full time. It's just close-minded people writing about what they don't know.

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  14. wow. ((shakes head)) thats all i can even come up with.

    luckily, lots of ladies said it better than me above, including you.

    what a crock of baloney!!

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  15. Oh my freaking gosh. I really have nothing to add, except, Thanks, Feminism! To quote the movie: You told me I do anything I want. This is what I want. So be happy for me.

    Paula said it best. I don't depend on my husband. We depend on each other.

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  16. *there should be a "could" in there.

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  17. YIKES!! I LOVE IT!! I read that article too today thats so funny.... I had some of the same thoughts...

    What I think is also interesting is that article is probably written by a 20 something, fresh outta school, or even an UNPAID intern who has NO IDEA what goes on the in the real world because they still live at home with mom and dad and are still covered under their insurance..

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  18. PS you should sent this post into All You and see what response you get.. imjustsaying.. It would be just for "fun" but interesting to see if you get a rebuttal?

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  19. Three cheers for those of us who work long days for no money =).

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  20. Wow...I don't understand why some people think it is acceptable to judge others. I think that being a stay at home mother is commendable. You may not get a paycheck but you are probably doing twice the work that this article writer is.

    Also, the fact that you are a military wife, it kind of makes you a single mom sometimes. Yes you have income but it must be difficult trying to raise children, maintain cleanliness of the house, make sure homework is done and mouths are fed all while having your husband on your mind who is working his ass off to defend our freedom of speech that this writer is pretty much abusing!

    Thank you for this post, it was liberating to hear someone speak up!

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  21. They MUST be forgetting about stay-at-home-moms. I mean SERIOUSLY!! But then they wouldn't have mentioned the kids... grr. There's no WAY this is real!! Please tell me you wrote them? We all should fill up their inbox.

    I'm pissed for you - I WISH I could be a "princess" and just live on hubby's income, but I'm told we must have kids first. *sigh...

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  22. *laugh*snicker!*chuckle* Thank you for teaching some of us that we can still have a sense of humor with that which sucks! My boys are older now, and I admittedly spent less time with my niece and nephew until they got older, as I was done with vomit and chasing and all the things that come with early childhood. I can tell you that I'm retired military, and am now working on my masters degree so that DH can retire himself and stay home (he can only do this if I can pay the bills). I actually feel really good about being home with my boys right now. I help them with homework, and have the ability to be more involved with school. I'm also now on the city planning commission and write for our small town paper, things I couldn't do when I was working full time outside the house. I enjoy being home when my kids get off the bus.

    I'm not concerned with the article you read (you have my permission to use it as butt-wipe) because when I'm done with school, both DH and I are content for me pay to the bills while he plays Mr. Mom and takes a well-deserved break. Don't let those old stereotypes and idiocy bother you! Your point that kids see the teamwork of their parents is profound! Live on!

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  23. I'm new to Blogger, but not new to blogging (I've blogged on other sites for years, privately). This is my first go at a public blog. I found you through SpouseBuzz and I've been lurking quite awhile. My boyfriend is in the military and it's so nice to see such a nice, active blogging community on here. I wish I would have known about this while dealing with his last deployment! :)

    I'm going to add you to my following list, because your posts are always so enjoyable, and while I only have one post up right now, I'll definitely be a regular writer/commenter.

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I'm not going to lie... I live for comments. Nice ones that is.