Realization

There was a time when flyboy would announce that he was going to be going on the road that I would feel panic. Not when it was just him and I, sure it might have been a bit lonely when he was gone, but I've always been content by myself. I knew that he would back, be it in a few days, weeks or months, and that while he was away I could take care of myself.

When we had dash-1 it was a whole new ball game. He was an adorable baby but a fussy one. He had such severe reflux all he would do is cry and cry and cry. I remember clearly nights when there would be maybe, MAYBE an hour of sleep the entire time. We would take turns driving around town in the hopes of quiet.

That and motherhood, especially new motherhood, in a relatively new place, away from family, can be lonely. And scary. When I would hear what flyboy's schedule was I was terrified of the time alone to say the least. I feel like a bit of a wimp admitting that now but hey, the truth is just that. The truth.

I was nervous at being the solo person, in the zipcode, the state, sometimes the content, responsible for our little one. We did the cry it out method to get him into a sleep pattern and the thought of having to listen to him cry, sitting in our apartment all alone made me want to vomit.

Then dash-2 came along. The nerves from having one seems to have dissipated, he was older, sleeping better, we were in a groove. Again, I'm not going to lie I was a bit overwhelmed at the thought of how to balance two of them with only one of me. Bath time was tricky at first, keeping everyone present and accounted for when dash-2 was mobile took some getting used to but used to it I have become.

The point of this blather is something I realized today. No longer when he leaves do I feel some dread, I miss him, but I feel strong on my own. I miss the help, the companionship, I miss my boys getting to have their daddy around, that I miss the most, but I realize that I haven't felt that dread in a long time.

It dropped off somewhere along the way.

Somewhere, somehow, not even knowing it I shook it loose.

Not me! no never

Mondays are known for certain things, start of the work week, back to school after the weekend, the ever yucky case of the "Mundays" (you have to channel that lady from Office Space to really get the full effect). They are also know for No Me Mondays. Its where you write out all the things that you did not do this week. Because if I had done these things, well, boy would I be embarrassed.

Go link up over at MkMama and find out what everyone else DID NOT do this week!

And now on to my list of things I did not do. Oh don't think less of me...

I absolutely did not eat pizza every night that my husband was away. Nope, that would be far to unhealthy of me.

I did not, in the least little bit, shoot my two year old in the back of the head with a nerf gun during an all out flyboy family nerf war.

I did not ask once, and certainly not twice, if a charming little dash-1 had scratched his butt with his finger. (I did decline to smell it and DID make him wash his hands immediately)

I did not put the wrong shoes on the wrong kids and wonder why both were complaining so much and walking funny.

I did not, in any way shape or form, add whip cream, chocolate sauce, and extra chocolate chips to a weight watchers ice cream cup. I like to think that those things are 0 pt foods, you know cause I added just a touch.

Back to the nerf guns, I did not threaten to shoot my dear love of a husband in the testicles if he and the boys raided the bathroom one more time while I was sitting on the toilet. And I absolutely did not shoot him.

And regarding yesterdays post about the fish tank, I did not hear 42 various questions about said fish tank today, and bedtime is still hours away.

the perfect plan

The other day we went out to run some errands, just the usual, Target, perhaps the warehouse store (I'm not typing out the name I'll have all sorts of weirdos finding my page via google with that one).

However when we pulled into the shopping center we noticed a new Best Buy, or as flyboy likes to call it, the big boy toy store. So in a show of great love he took both boys with him and off to target alone I went. It was perfect.

Until they found me in Target.

Not just that my peace and quiet time was over but apparently they had taken a detour at the pet store. Flyboy is an amatuer, you can not take small children into a pet store without hearing about something in it for DAYS on end. After that trip dash-1 was all about getting a fish tank.

Flyboy played the whole, talk-to-your-mom angle and while I don't mind getting one at some point, right then and there wasn't in my plans, and now we would get to hear about it for the ENTIRE weekend. Wait and see is not a strong suit of a three year old.

Then flyboy came up with another plan. He's getting ready to go on the road for a bit of time, so he had an idea of doing a fish countdown and if the dashes are good while he's gone (you know good in the relative sense) then when he returns they get a fish tank.

It is a pretty good plan but I do have a few beefs with it. First, this means for the next few weeks I will hear about said fish tank and fish, daily. Actually strike that, not just daily but at some points minutely. If that's even a word. But those of you with small kids know what I'm talking about.

Secondly, I'm not going to lie, I'm a tad torqued that while I am the one who is home to hear about the fish tank approximately 87 times a day, flyboy is the one who gets to come home and get it. I know that I could go out and get it but trust me, the fish tank will forever be associated with flyboy. I suffer he gets credit.

Damn you flyboy, you concocted the perfect plan and didn't even realize it.

Perhaps I'll let the boys leave a voicemail on his phone every time they have the need to talk about it. Hmmm... that sounds almost worth it.

I need to go finish getting fish coloring pages for our countdown. Tomorrow offically starts off our "days of fish" around here. I can just feel the excitement building.