Thursday, February 27, 2014

Deployment Stride



I feel like we've hit our deployment stride.  About damn time, we are in week five.

There really is a reason for the dwell time, its to regroup, re-energize, forget the misery, get your balls ready for the next round that you know is inevitably coming, much like pregnancy.   We didn't have too much of that, six measly months. And he was still flying though not at his usual breakneck pace {but I can still tell you to the minute how long he was gone}.  I thought the lack of time would be better, we'll fall right back into our routine, the kids will be super cool this go round, and hey, clearly I'm super mom since I just survived 7mths on my own!  SUPER MOM!

Clearly, I was an idiot. That's what I was.  

A big ol' dummy dum dum.

Sure we fell back into our routine. I went back into being the solo parenting like a snap of the fingers. Deployment dinners made a quick comeback.  Even our constant box at the head of the table where we toss in good school work, pictures we made, and other random crap er, stuff to send hubs is back in his place.

I got a little cocky, like 3 days in, I got this shit. I'm making this deployment my bitch.

But. Then the kids go a week or two without talking to their father and one kid starts crying himself to sleep at night and another gets super angry that you wonder if you should get a taste tester.  He's pissed his father had to go away again. 

Then our credit card got compromised in the Target breech and that was a hot mess.  {Straightened out}

Oh and I got a collections bill in the mail from a past state I lived in. {Straightened out}

Then the third kid gets something that the military hospital told us could be flu or pneumonia but wont really narrow it down, all I know is I had a sick kid with a 104 fever I was still dragging all over creation.  {He's healthy now, after 2 wks}
 
Every time I go into the bathroom someone has peed on the seat and while I've offered some constructive advice {perhaps in a very loud voice} I'm not really seen as the authority figure on upright peeing. 

And its like -10 with 26 inches of snow on the ground.  {Hey tomorrow is -15!}

And I was in a nasty funk and while I'm hanging my head in shame I was guilty of not sending the nicest emails to my husband. Nothing outwore hostile, well, maybe a little. {I've nipped this shit in the bud}

And in case you are still wondering the oldest still hates me and the middle kid is still crying, although not as much.

Something had to give.

But then it hit me. I started this deployment in my mind as a continuation of the last deployment.  It's not. It's its own special beast that needs to be tamed.  A feat to be tackled. 

Now, he's still deployed, I'm still here, one kid still hates me and the other two are peeing on the toilet seat at the cyclic rate but I can make of it what I want.  And I don't want to be miserable.  I'm a parent, I don't need help in the guilt or misery department.

So I'm making this deployment my bitch. 

Yes it feels like we didn't have enough time in between.  On the bright side its not as long of a deployment. But whatever, it is what it is. I'm going to get healthier, I'm going to keep the kids as together as I can without totally becoming a pushover or opting to give anyone away.  I'm going to try to give each one of them the one on one time they so desperately need, while trying to do that some for myself. 

I can do this.  This isn't the first deployment I've knocked out, honestly, its all mental and I just had to come to that realization. Again.  6 months later.



4 comments:

  1. You are such an inspiration. You. Are. Awesome.

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  2. Every time I go to complain about something recently, I think of you and shut my mouth. You are a rockstar and you've got this! {though if the cold could leave that would be great cause this is just ridiculous now}

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  3. You. Are. Awesome. I missed reading your stuff. I need to get back to blogging like I mean it.

    I cracked up from not being seen as a standing upright and peeing authority. Perhaps if you got that thing, the she wee? That is supposed to help women pee standing when you're camping... and threaten to retrain them on peeing without getting pee on the seat. That idea right there is legit.

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  4. ((HUGS)) I can't relate, but I'm sure it is very hard on the kids having him gone yet again. I wish I had the perfect words of wisdom or was physically close enough to come over and give a hand. I have neither. I am keeping you all in my prayers. You can do this. You will. And you will rock it.

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