Sunday, October 2, 2011

An Honest Mommy Moment - Craft Style

Its been forever and a day since I've done one of these, but of all the days lately, today has warranted it. Without further ado folks I give you,

I love me some crafting.

Right now I have several craft projects going on, I'm making a wreath for Halloween, I'm already well under way making some lovely glitter ornaments for christmas, but can I share something with you.

I hate crafting with my kids.


I mean I love to get great ideas and think about how fun it will be to do with them and I envision what we'll do with the project, but then, inevitably the actual crafting time makes me dream of poking my eyes out with a hot poker.

Today we made a giant ass spider.  Out of pom poms.  Giant ass pom poms.  With giant ass pipe cleaners for legs. 

And just so you know, the legs were as long as my arm.  And the pom pom for his body is roughly the size of my ass.

Hence, giant ass spider as a very appropriate description.

And you know how you put this all together?  With glue. 


To hold a pipe cleaner the size of an adults arm to a pom pom the size of my ass? 

And of course, its a spider, and spiders have 8 legs.  Insects have 6 legs and spiders have 8 legs.

Well, guess which spider only has 6 legs?  Yeah the giant ass, sad spider sitting on a shelf in my dining room.  And don't think the kids didn't point out that he was missing 2 legs about 15 times today.  But unless the last 2 legs were coming right out of his butt they weren't going to fit.  And I had already lost what little sanity I had going into this craft on getting the first 6 legs to attach to the pop

Who thought that craft up? Obviously someone without kids. 

I realize I have only myself to blame, I did after all say, "Oh look kids! A giant spider! Wouldn't this be cool!" {Mommy points for me for not saying "giant ass" to the kids}

But that's what I'm saying, at the time the idea seems fantastic, almost even glorious, without the slightest bit of remembrance of the last miserable crafttime crossing into my mind. 

Much like childbirth.

Actually exactly like childbirth.

And I was smart and fixed myself so that can't be done anymore.

sidenote: I should give myself a craft hysterectomy now. 

I love my kids, dearly I do, I just don't think I'm the best to craft with them.  My mother, she is a kid crafting pro. I, however, get freaked out when it all goes awry or when someone starts painting on the table or mixing colors.

I loathe mixing colors.


It's disrespectful to the other colors.  But that's not the point.

I'm sure many of you are thinking, wow, she should probably do more crafting to lighten the f up.

I should.  Maybe, but not today.  And not tomorrow.  I'm taking a kid crafting sabbatical.  Or at least a giant ass spider sabbatical. 

That giant ass spider was a really bad idea.


  1. LMBO!!! That's why I LOVE having an art teacher to do the fun things with my students. I'd almost rather stick the hot glue gun in my eyeballs than do an art projects with the kids...

  2. Craft hysterectomy. Love it!

  3. Maybe you just have to lower your expectations? Do something where everybody has something to do. Think about it like being a kindergarten teacher doing a craft with them, instead of Mommy and the kids doing something special.
    Kiss goodbye the thought of giant ass spiders and go for the smaller thing. Cut out some bats and let them color them of let them glue little pieces of paper on there or whatever...
    When I was an Au Pair it was expected that I do crafts with my host kids. And I learned really fast, that the stuff we produced will almost never look like the ones in the instructions.

    If you want a giant ass spider decoration, do it when they are in bed.

    Just my two cents. (And in case I stepped on anybodies toes here, I am sorry, didn't mean to:) )

  4. ok I am right there with you. I will go a step farther. I did not want my kids helping me put the decorations on the Christmas Tree because I need it to be perfect so when they were little I would put it up when they were in bed sleeping. In the morning I would tell them Santa's fairies must have put it up during the night. That kind of helped them with their disappointment on not getting to help. Does that make me a bad mother? My kids are all grown now and seem to be

  5. Glue, glitter and three young boys? You are either nutso or way too brave (for me) to even CONSIDER it. LOL

    And who says spiders have eight legs? That there spider you have is a war veteran. He's had two legs pulled off and lived to tell about it. And now he's in your house.

    Hey... you could actually get great stories going on with that for Halloween!

  6. Lol, I am with Wifey on this one, although I do worry what Dash-1 might say about it at school.

  7. HAHAHAHAHAHAH omg. I think I just died over this post. Don't know why I didn't see it earlier.
    I don't have kids.
    But I can imagine trying to do a craft with them.
    When I actually talk my husband into helping me with something, I about pull my hair out, because it never ends up the way I want it to.
    I have control issues.

    Anyway. love your blog.



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