Tuesday, March 8, 2011

top 2 relationship lessons

Since I'm slacking in the blog department lately {although I did just put up the swap post if your interested in spring time fun} I figured I would do something to get back in the game.  I saw this, Top 2 Tuesday and had to join in, although in 8 years of marriage, a military marriage at that, I have learned way more than 2 things but I'll just stick with 2.

Without further ado here are the top 2 things I have learned in a relationship:

1. It takes work.  Lots of work.  Lots and lots and lots of work.  This really was a revelation to me in the beginning of our marriage.  My parents made marriage look easy, but I realize now what I didn't see was the behind the scenes hard work that they each put into it.  It takes work not to annoy the other person, it takes work to not let them annoy you, it takes work to make time, it takes work not to be angry and upset, it takes work to forgive, sometimes it takes work to just be.

It's easy to fall into a cycle, especially in a military marriage, of just doing your own thing, going thru the motions and not putting in the added effort to really make it special.

 And its because two people are willing to put the work in that at the end of the day it all works out.

2. You will annoy your love and he will annoy you.  I love my husband as he loves me.  However, and its a big one, he annoys the living bejesus out of me.  Granted a lot of this comes from the fact that we rarely live with each other longer than 2-3 weeks at a time.  Case in point, I have a habit of leaving EVERY. SINGLE. cabnet door open in the kitchen, all 15 or however many we have.  I don't know why I do this, dammit if I don't try, I really do, to close them as I use them, but inevitably I will forget.

This drives my husband insane.  Crazy right down to the core of his inner being.

On the flip side, my husband likes to leave his toothbrush resting on his bathroom counter well within arms reach of our small children who have, many times, used it to swirl around in the toilet.  {But being a good wife, I always get him a new one and try to put it away when I see it out and remember.}

This shouldn't annoy me but it does, he doesn't do it to annoy me {I mean who wants their toothbrush in the toilet?} just like I don't leave the cabnet doors open to annoy him.  Its just ingrained in who we are I suppose.  But again, at the end of the day it is what it is and we love each other in spite of it.


  1. Shoo... Ain't it the TRUTH, girl!! Marriage is work, and you do annoy the MESS out of each other, but what makes it a good marriage is the willingness to put up with all of this because they're work it, and life is so much better with them in it. *sigh

    But dang if it's not exhausting, sometimes!

  2. Oh. My. Goodness. My husband leaves the cabinets open in the kitchen and it drives me insane! Along with leaving his lunch bag full of empty Tupperware containers on the counter! :) I agree with every word of your post! :)

  3. GREAT post! I use post-it notes on things like that to remind myself of the habits that get on my husband's nerves, he tends to put reminders in his blackberry. And SO true, but a decade before I actually married my husband, my MIL gave me the most wonderful advice and since she and her husband raised 7 kids in a double wide trailer, (and the fact that I adored her), I paid attention. She explained about the success of relationships.

    1. Always allow your friends, three MAJOR failings, since they must accept the same about you for a relationship to work and that it goes double for family members and triple for spouses.

    2. During the first year of marriage, NEVER go to be angry or irritated with each other. It proves that after a year, you pretty much learn what is worth losing sleep over and what is not. (I must admit, however, We had a lot of nights where we saw the dawn even though we had been best friends for over ten years before we were married.)

    3. A relationship ends the day you decide you don't feel like working at it today whether that relationship lasts another year or more. That is the date you can pinpoint as your end date.

    I learned so much from her and sorely miss her. There was absolutely no subject she would not discuss with you if you were brave enough to ask the question... and I DO mean ANY question, honestly.

    Sorry about the book length comment.

  4. LOL about the cabinet thing, because at first I was siding with Flyboy and then I realized lately I totally do this too. The Captain comes along behind me and closes all the ones she can reach, and the ones on the top I tend to close only because otherwise one of these days I'll lose an eye (the joys of being short).

    But I needed this post. Thanks.


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