As in.... is there an expiration date on how long you will lovingly allow your children to live in your house.
Now of course, I'm talking about adult kiddos, I'm pretty sure that dash-1, in all his infinite 5 1/2 year old wisdom, is not ready to leave the house and strike out on his own.
But one day. One day there will come a time.
Now don't get me wrong. I'll miss my kids when that time comes, the house will go from full of noise, constant hussle and bustle to a quieter, cleaner, version, where the food last longer. I'll probably piddle paddle around the house at first trying to get used to it all and then I'll adjust.
And throw a party.
No seriously, I love my kids. They are my life. And due to living the nomadic military lifestyle where you grow where you are planted, we're up here doing it on our own, so I probably spend more time with the kids than the average mom.
But.
There comes a time where the momma bird wants her baby birds to fly. And if those lil birds don't spread their wings on their own a mother bird will push them out of the nest. And this momma bird will push.
Here's what I'm thinking. Obviously you're more than welcome to live in my house, abiding by the rules, thru your schooling. Cause again, I have to let you live here while your in middle school and high school, no matter how obnoxious you get. But while your in college, four years {give or take a semester} that is, no 7 year plan for an undergrad degree, I'll be quite happy with the boys living at home.
But.... the boys will not be living here after college.
Or during any time that is used to "find one's self". I will not be supporting "finding one self". I did not find myself. I got a job. Therefore they will do the same.
College isn't for everyone, I get that, please I don't need the comments that I'm assuming everyone will go to college, I don't. Should they choose not to go to college and they want to go right into a trade, that's great, I'll give you a couple months to get things together and then you better be making enough in that trade to support yourself. And obviously, we'd most certainly support them if they went right into the military and we'd always welcome them home.
For a visit.
Here's the thing, I want my kids to know, now actually, cause we had this discussion the other night, in a light hearted manner of course, that
there is an expiration date on your life here with mom and dad. The time will come with this part of your life will end and a new one SHOULD and WILL start.
Now should they need a soft place to fall, we will always be here to catch them, but they must stand on their own. And by soft place to fall I'm thinking big, like your house gets washed away in a flood or fire, not that you don't like your roommate or you want to live at home to save money to get a kick ass car. That is not soft place necessary.
When I was growing up my mother joked that she had a calendar in which she was marking down the days until we left the house, which were the same guidelines I have. I'm pretty sure she didn't actually have a calendar, although knowing my mother I wouldn't put it past her.....
So the expectation was there, you will live here, you will grow up, you will get out. You will live your own life outside the walls of this house.
And the message was received loud and clear.
Now the economy sucks. I get it. It's hard to find a job, money is tight, got it. Trust me. GOT IT.
But at some point, those birdies have to fly. And keeping them in the nest forever, all tucked away safe and sound isn't really doing anyone any favors.
They need to strike out on their own, live in an apartment with 4 obnoxious roomates, spend their money paying bills, and realizing sometimes you take the job you can get, not every first job is your dream job.
My first job I did case work, in Baltimore, home visits where cockroaches ran across my feet. Delightful, but it paid the bills and I was living on my own. Well with a roomate in a crappy apartment where the AC would cut in and out on really hot days. Yummy.
I know that I probably seem quite harsh, I blame it on my parents dammit, I was raised this way. You live here for the first 2 decades then get the hell out.
I'll help them when they are outside my house. My mom will randomly send my brother Omaha steaks {though he's marrying a vegetarian so I'm not sure if she still does this, maybe he's getting kumquats now, she'll get supplies and what not for my sister's classroom {she's a science teacher}, she'll pick up things here and there for the boys. She likes to do random nice things for us to make life a little brighter and we all appreciate it.
So I'm not going to cut my kids out of our lives, I'll help them out.
I just don't want them living in my house.
My friend and I were talking about this and she was surprised at my cut and dry attitude to this. Again, I was raised this way and it worked for me. I realize that come 15 years from now things could be different and I could be singing a different tune. You never know how life is going to turn out, but I can hope that I raise my kids to strike out on their own.
After all, that first crappy apartment is character building.
So I'm curious.... do you have the expiration date theory or do you think I'm a heartless fool?